by .....and lose
Scots pipped by a tusk in world games
JIM MCBETH
IT WAS in the dying seconds of the final, a 3-3 thriller, when
Scotland scented victory. The German defence was missing, their goal
gaped, the ball lay perfectly ... and then an elephant stood on it.
These things happen, of course, but it was a disappointing end to a
world tournament Scotland expected to win.
Bad weather, a Teutonic persuasion for unfair play, and the difficulty
of moving a pachyderm conspired to cost Scotland the Kings Cup in
Thailand, one of three grand slam events in elephant polo.
As a nation, our rugby squad cannot beat the world and the football
team cannot beat much more than a drum, but at elephant polo, we are
world-class, grand slam winners as recently as 2001.
So good, in fact, that Scotland was handicapped, and had to give
Germany two goals of a start in a game that ended 3-3 on goals scored.
Scots captain Peter Prentice said: "We were close, but they won 5-3."
In the week-long annual tournament, Chivas Regal Scotland, who are
sponsored by the whisky distillers, swept aside the opposition to meet
Germany Mercedes Benz for the second final in a row.
Not even Screwless Tuskers, a team of *** "ladyboys" from
Bangkok, prevented the enemies from meeting - even after controversy
over whether the ladyboys could hold their sticks with both hands,
like women, or one hand, like men.
Ultimately, it did not matter; the ladyboys were trounced like big
girlies by Australia.
Mr Prentice, the Asian sales director of Chivas, which sponsored the
whole event at Hua Hin, said: "A tropical storm before the game made
the play slow. We move fast, strike hard, but the ball was embedding.
Hence the problem when an elephant stands on it."
Mr Prentice was loathe to criticise Germany, but he revealed they
displayed the elephant-polo equivalent of diving, a tactic favoured by
their footballers. He explained: "They were hooking."
Hooking is when a player, atop his elephant, which is being guided by
a mahout, uses his 6ft stick to strike his opponents stick rather
than the ball. "Its a foul," added Mr Prentice. "But we will still
share our whisky with them tonight."
The event, the first of the three Grand Slam competitions culminating
in the world championships in Nepal in December, raised 25,000 for
the National Elephant Institute, a Thai organisation dedicated to the
welfare of elephants.
The 22 Asian elephants which participated ate seven tons of pineapple
tops, bananas and watermelons during the tournament.
"They enjoy it," said Martin Cummings of the institute. "Theyre herd
animals, they move together, so theyre not doing anything they dont
ordinarily do."
Mr Prentice added: "Elephant polo is played in a spirit of fun, but it
requires skill."
Tournaments feature games with teams of six to eight players on three
to four elephants. The elephant is guided by its mahout while the
passenger plays.
The sport was founded 22 years ago by James Manclark, a Scottish
adventurer, who was in the team yesterday along with Mr Prentice and
their "star" Angahd Kalahn, one of the top three players in the world.
Jim Long, the manager, said: "It has become a world series embodying
skill and daring. Teams of three elephants compete over two ten-minute
chukkas. Horse polo players are handicapped and seasoned elephant
players carry a one goal handicap. Also, elephants must be swapped at
half time, they may not lie down in front of goal, and they may not
pick up the ball with their trunks.
"Everything went well - but there was the matter of the ladyboys."
Their manager, Al Erickson, from the United States, said: "I told them
the thing is not how well you play, its how well you look. That made
them happy."
Medal famine
IT IS an inescapable if unpalatable fact that Scots sportspersons are
not large consumers of Dura-Glit, not being in possession of too many
gold, silver or bronze medals that need to be polished on a regular
basis - unless it involves hurling a haggis or a pumpkin.
The nation has produced a handful of top-class athletes, a rugby squad
that can hold its own on a world stage and a football team that excels
at glorious failure.
We have blown hot and cold at golf, producing players who are always
there or thereabouts, but who never quite make it in among the
legends.
In the realm of the mildly esoteric, the nation has produced curling
and bowling teams which have excelled at international level.
But, in the larger scheme of things, Scotland has not produced an
over-abundance of talent in the so-called mainstream sports.
But you just try beating us at hurling the haggis. When it comes to
tossing a steaming pile of offal, we are second to none.
Scots "hagrarians" consistently conquer the opposition worldwide in
events such as the Association for Scottish Haggis Hurling World
Championships.
And, of course, there is pumpkin chucking, largely a US-inspired
activity, which requires participants to chuck a pumpkin by means of
arm, compression or air power. Bill Thompson, a luminary of the sport
went to the heartland of pumpkin chucking, took on their best, and
propelled the said pumpkin for a distance of 178ft, a humungous throw
by any standard.
Then, of course, there is world tiddlywinks. We were apparently very
good at tiddlywinks until the Nineties when there was a dearth of good
"winkers" coming through the ranks.
--
Paul