Got this from another NG. Dunno if you have seen this. I ahv enot come
across it on this NG.
I thought it was hilarious....best to print it out and read it in printed
A Lament scribed in Londonium by the quill of an expatriatum. To be
intoned with deep passion and utmost solemnity.
1 Now it came to pass that there was a tumult in the land of the Bokke
for many are called, yet few are chosen. Yea verily, though many warriors
of the Bokke desired to slay their enemies at the Cup Of The World, first
they must be chosen. And so the mighty Nick the Mallet and the wise
Solomons didst sit and they didst ponder long and hard.
2 And wise Solomons didst say unto Nick the Mallet, "Yea for certain,
we are sorely pressed by the Dallaglites and the tribe of Kefu, and verily
the men of Taine will grind us. But behold, I have a vision! Let us
travel to the land of Provincius Westernus, a land flowing with wine and the
*** of many innocents, and there shall we find a fighter called Anton
the Obscure, and Skinsite the Unready and Ras of Erasmus who neither
know what they do in battle at the place of the eight men, and we shall
confuse and trick our opponents. Most surely, by this cunning they shall be
amused and shall fall about laughing and not be able to fight us for their
3 And Nick the Mallet saith unto him: "As long as this Anton whom I
knownot be from Provincius Westernus, then I agree with you, oh wise one."
4 But lo! there was weeping and wailing and the gnashing of teeth in the
land of the Bokke, for the champion of the people was one Gary the
Teichmanite. And he was bold; a man of dignity and honour, and wise in
the manner of the experienced ones, but sadly not of the land of Provincius
5 Therefore, Nick the Mallet didst smite Gary the Teichmanite with
insults and didst call unto him: "Thou are clapped-out and not even worthy
be counted among the mighty men of eight in Bokkeland. Thou art finished
and unwanted and a burden unto me. Because of thee I was smote by the
Ozzites and the Zealanders. It be all thy fault and failure. I banish thee
the land of the Welshites, to the place of dragons and singing leek
6 And the wise Solomons didst agree, for he loved Anton the Obscure for
he was from Provincius Westernus. And now the wise Solomons turned to Nick
the Mallet and saith unto him: "But as for the centre of our army, we
are sorely lacking. For Japie of Mulder is injured and slow, and Andre the
Cutter is laid low and as for Hennie the Red, I know you love him not.
And besides, the faction of the Ayencee-ites are pressing sorely against us
from every side. What shall we do?"
7 And Nick the Mallet saith unto the wise Solomons: "Behold! There is a
man from Ethiopia and he is black and comely. Most surely, I shall
choose him and place him among our army. And the faction of the Ayencee-ites
be leased and happy, and shall bless us. His name is Kaya the Motley One.
It be true he has never before fought any army of the Ozzites or the
Pommites or even the Italites. But I promise thee this, that matters not for
shall take a mighty load off my back, and blessed shall we be by the
faction of the Ayencee-ites who may yet even send messengers bearing many,
and precious gifts."
8 But the people of Bokkeland rose in a mighty shout and demandeth of
their generals: "Where are our mighty and wise warriors like Andre the
Jubilant, William of Chester and those many others who have fought so
well against all our enemies and have slain them and who are also wise in
the ways of the Cup of the World?"
9 And then the generals and Nick the Mallet answered the people thus:
"Oh ye foolish rabble! Ye may weep and gnash thy teeth and even
sprinkle upon thyselves the loose grass of the field of Newlands in
but we declare unto thee, this Cup of the World giveth us a chance to
experiment for that Cup of the World that shall 4 years hence be held
against the same enemies. For this reason I have chosen Pieter the
Clumsy and Breyton the Small and Deon the Unsure.
10 "And verily, verily I say unto thee: I careth not! for my contract
runneth only until the year of 2002."
Albert D. Pestana
083 679 0935
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