Newsflash
"In line with the government's nations building exercise, the ministry of
sport announced today that affirmative action is not restricted to blacks
only, but all underprivileged communities. The quota system for the
national side will now be extended as follows : 1) Six blacks representing
at least three different tribes. 2) Two women (because of the politically
incorrect nature of certain positions, the postion '***' will now be
changed to 'street worker'. 3) At least two visually impaired individuals
need to be chosen 4) In accordance with demographic studies, at least one
hearing impaired person will be included in the squad. 5) Because of the
past discriminatory nature toward intellectually challenged persons, one
player with an IQ not exceeding 80 will be included. 6) Lastly, due to
pressure from certain influential lobby groups, at least three wheelchair
players need to be selected.
In addition to the above quotas, the national selectors are to make a real
attempt to develope the game among the *** communities of our
country and make quicker progress in including members of the Hindu,
Moslem, Jewish, Satanist, Atheist, Buddhist and Voodoo religious groups.
This, however is voluntary at this stage, but it is expected pressure will
be exerted on selection officials to include these sections of our
community in the national team. Discussions regarding senior citizens
reached a deadlock, but will continue.
To speed up the transformation of the game, it has also been announced that
hetero*** white Christian males will need to undergo strict selection
criteria to advance to the national team. In what one administrator termed
'reasonable', individuals from this 'advantaged' group of individuals will
need to meet the following requirements : 1) No history of politics for
three previous generations. 2) A sworn statement that no racists remarks
will be made 3) A public denial of any loyalty toward Louis Luyt 4) Be no
older than 22 in accordance with the published youth policy and 5) have a
proven track record of at least 250 first class games, unless such games
were played during Luyt's rule, in which case such games will count against
them and they stand the risked of being fined for such activities on a
backdating basis.
The agreement has been lauded by the Destruction Of All Sport Society as a
milestone in South Africa's transformation to a truly free and
representative society."
Not to be taken seriously
Cheerio