New England Captain Named!!!

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by C Kell » Fri, 01 May 1998 04:00:00


News just in:

The England Cricket Board of Selectors have just announced their choice
for Mike Atherton's replacement for captain.

They have chosen Paula Yates due to the fact that she is the only person
who has been to Australia, ***ed the Aussies AND brought back the
Ashes!

Cheers

Christian Kelly

"Trying's the first step towards failure."
Homer J Simpson

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Colin Rosenth » Fri, 01 May 1998 04:00:00

On Thu, 30 Apr 1998 14:40:31 +1100,

Quote:

>News just in:

>The England Cricket Board of Selectors have just announced their choice
>for Mike Atherton's replacement for captain.

>They have chosen Paula Yates due to the fact that she is the only person
>who has been to Australia, ***ed the Aussies AND brought back the
>Ashes!

Ouch!

--
Colin Rosenthal
High Altitude Observatory
Boulder, Colorado


 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by J.Presco » Sat, 02 May 1998 04:00:00


Quote:
>> On Thu, 30 Apr 1998 14:40:31 +1100,

>> News just in:

>> The England Cricket Board of Selectors have just announced their
>> choice for Mike Atherton's replacement for captain.

>> They have chosen Paula Yates due to the fact that she is the only
>> person who has been to Australia, ***ed the Aussies AND brought back
  >> the Ashes!

> Ouch!

She also carries a couple of spare balls close to her chest.
Joanna

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Raj » Sun, 03 May 1998 04:00:00

Who is Paula Yates ?

--
Indian cricket team: Seth Dalmiya's private nautch group.
--


Quote:

>>> On Thu, 30 Apr 1998 14:40:31 +1100,

>>> News just in:

>>> The England Cricket Board of Selectors have just announced their
>>> choice for Mike Atherton's replacement for captain.

>>> They have chosen Paula Yates due to the fact that she is the only
>>> person who has been to Australia, ***ed the Aussies AND brought back
>  >> the Ashes!

>> Ouch!

>She also carries a couple of spare balls close to her chest.
>Joanna

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Soam Achar » Sun, 03 May 1998 04:00:00

 > Who is Paula Yates ?
 >

UK "personality". Was the main squeeze (so as to speak) of Michael
Hutchence, former lead singer of INXS, an Aussie rock group. Their hits
include "Need You Tonite", "Listen Like Thieves" and "Suicide Blonde"
(*not* in reference to Warne vs. Tendulkar :-). Anyway, Hutchence
reportedly hung himself after being depressed about the custody battles
Paula was fighting with her ex Bob Geldof.  The couple had two daughters, I
think, including one named Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily.

Soam "Elegantly Wasted With The Devil Inside" A.
--
soam_acharya at cornell.edu          http://www.ee.cornell.edu/~soam/

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Mad Hami » Tue, 05 May 1998 04:00:00


Quote:

> > Who is Paula Yates ?

>UK "personality". Was the main squeeze (so as to speak) of Michael
>Hutchence, former lead singer of INXS, an Aussie rock group. Their hits
>include "Need You Tonite", "Listen Like Thieves" and "Suicide Blonde"
>(*not* in reference to Warne vs. Tendulkar :-). Anyway, Hutchence
>reportedly hung himself after being depressed about the custody battles
>Paula was fighting with her ex Bob Geldof.

Personally I'd say that the effects of mixing Valium, *** and I think a
couple of other *** may have had something to do with his problems.

****************************************************************************
The Politician's Slogan
'You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all
of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
Fortunately only a simple majority is required.'
****************************************************************************

Mad Hamish

Hamish Laws


 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Soam Achar » Wed, 06 May 1998 04:00:00



 >

 >> > Who is Paula Yates ?
 >> >
 >>
 >>(*not* in reference to Warne vs. Tendulkar :-). Anyway, Hutchence
 >>reportedly hung himself after being depressed about the custody battles
 >>Paula was fighting with her ex Bob Geldof.
 >
 >Personally I'd say that the effects of mixing Valium, *** and I think a
 >couple of other *** may have had something to do with his problems.
 >

Indeed. From what I understand, Prozac was the other main offender.

Speaking of ***, I see young Ben Hollioake has been reprimanded after
implying, during a GQ interview conducted in Sri Lanka, that he was
"babooned" on pot. Perhaps his subsequent trip to the West Indies opened up
further "heights" of perception?

Here at rsc, we propose XIs of all types. Surely there are enough
players/smokers out there to make up a "Cricketers For ***" benefit XI
;-) From what I understand, several candidates from the English counties
may well be candidates :-). We can go international if the press is to be
believed but I'm sure those are nothing but foul, vicious rumours. And the
theme song for the XI? Peter Tosh's "Legalize It", of course :-)

Soam "Blunted on Reality" A.

---
soam_acharya at cornell.edu          http://SportToday.org/~soam/

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Oracl » Wed, 06 May 1998 04:00:00

<snip>

Quote:
> Here at rsc, we propose XIs of all types. Surely there are enough
> players/smokers out there to make up a "Cricketers For ***" benefit XI
> ;-) From what I understand, several candidates from the English counties
> may well be candidates :-). We can go international if the press is to be
> believed but I'm sure those are nothing but foul, vicious rumours. And the
> theme song for the XI? Peter Tosh's "Legalize It", of course :-)

M:: If I suggest "Rainy Day Woman" by Bob Dylan which has those immortal
lines "Everybody must get stoned"  for the theme song will it be
inappropriate.

        Qasim "*** in gloves" Omar should be the first candidate for this
XI.

Cheers,
M

--
From Conan O'Brien's "In the year 2000"

Light will slow its speed down from 186,000 miles per second to three
miles per second. But that'll still be enough to kick sound's ass

A real-life angel will be born in Louisiana. Unfortunately, his parents
will sell him to the carnival where he'll be billed as "Ringhead, the
Hideous Bird Boy."

John Glenn's record as the oldest man in space will be broken when an
exploding amplifier sends Keith Richards hurtling into the stratosphere.


 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Soam Achar » Wed, 06 May 1998 04:00:00


 > M:: If I suggest "Rainy Day Woman" by Bob Dylan which has those immortal
 > lines "Everybody must get stoned"  for the theme song will it be
 > inappropriate.

No, this could work too :-) Alas, I think those lines from "Rainy Day
Women" are more likely to be chanted by the waiting crowd at the Mumbai
International Airport if the Indian team under-performs in the World Cup or
worse, fails to beat Pakistan. And, yeah, the crowd will be holding rocks
and chappals, not plants :-)

 > Qasim "*** in gloves" Omar should be the first candidate for this
 > XI.
 >

Now you've gone and done it :-) I keep imagining what it would be like if
the "Cricketers for ***" XI played another team. Suppose the opposing
team bats first. The "C for C" bowler, prior to his runup at the beginning
of his over, hands his joint over for the umpire to hold. The batsman
complains while the bowler is running up since the fumes from the
wicketkeeper's spliff is getting in his eyes and so the bowler has to start
again. The wicketkeeper is miffed he had to put his toke out and wonders if
he can light up the bails while nobody else is looking. Meanwhile, the
bowler comes up and delivers a high looping ball and the batsman takes a
wild swish and misses. The wicketkeeper is too far gone to collect and the
fielder closest to the ball has a blank smile on his face for no particular
reason. He is busy inspecting the grass near him to see if there are any
wild strains growing. This continues until the batter sits down dazed, upon
which he's promptly taken off the field and the scorers enter "retired
high" next to his name in the card.

Whimsically in Cricket

Soam
--
soam_acharya  cornell   edu             http://SportToday.org/~soam/
            at       dot

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Rajesh Viswanatha » Thu, 07 May 1998 04:00:00

Quote:


>  > M:: If I suggest "Rainy Day Woman" by Bob Dylan which has those immortal
>  > lines "Everybody must get stoned"  for the theme song will it be
>  > inappropriate.

> No, this could work too :-) Alas, I think those lines from "Rainy Day
> Women" are more likely to be chanted by the waiting crowd at the Mumbai
> International Airport if the Indian team under-performs in the World Cup or
> worse, fails to beat Pakistan. And, yeah, the crowd will be holding rocks
> and chappals, not plants :-)

Or perhaps we could get Mr. Clapton to play "***". He's supposed to
be a huge cricket fan after all. Count in Mick and the boys and we'll
have a bunch of rolling stonies...

Quote:

>  > Qasim "*** in gloves" Omar should be the first candidate for this
>  > XI.

So if the lunch menu consists primarily of derivatives of plantations in
Rasta-land, here's my pick....

Ian Botham (didn't he go gallivanting all across England atop of an
elephant or something?)
Ben Hollioke
Sachin Tendulkar (he's got to be smoking something if he can bat like
that :-)
Shane Warne (now we know what those cans contained and what "baked"
really referred to:-)
Qasim Omar
L.Sivaramakrishnan (I remember an "authoritative" source who claimed all
those full-tosses were 'cos he was fully tossed)
Saqlain Mushtaq (he got mugged... yeah right!!!)

Can't come up with too many keepers and bowlers though...

Can I be 12th man? :-)

Quote:

> <Excellent stuff snipped>

--
Cheerio,
Rajesh (http://SportToday.org/)

"Hanging is not enough for a teller of puns. He should be drawn and
quoted"

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by J.Presco » Fri, 08 May 1998 04:00:00


Quote:

> Ian Botham (didn't he go gallivanting all across England atop of an
> elephant or something?)
> Ben Hollioke
> Sachin Tendulkar (he's got to be smoking something if he can bat like
> that :-)
> Shane Warne (now we know what those cans contained and what "baked"
> really referred to:-)
> Qasim Omar
> L.Sivaramakrishnan (I remember an "authoritative" source who claimed
> all those full-tosses were 'cos he was fully tossed)
> Saqlain Mushtaq (he got mugged... yeah right!!!)

> Can't come up with too many keepers and bowlers though...

> Can I be 12th man? :-)

Phil Tufnell is one bowler known to enjoy a puff.
Chris Cairns is reckoned to be a connoisseur too.
Jo(i)nty Rhodes!
As for a keeper, Jack Russell is an artist also and we all know about
them and he bats like someone whose stoned.
Courtney has to be included because he makes me high anyway.

Joanna

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Jackie Hewit » Fri, 08 May 1998 04:00:00

Quote:


> > Ian Botham (didn't he go gallivanting all across England atop of an
> > elephant or something?)
> > Ben Hollioke
> > Sachin Tendulkar (he's got to be smoking something if he can bat like
> > that :-)
> > Shane Warne (now we know what those cans contained and what "baked"
> > really referred to:-)
> > Qasim Omar
> > L.Sivaramakrishnan (I remember an "authoritative" source who claimed
> > all those full-tosses were 'cos he was fully tossed)
> > Saqlain Mushtaq (he got mugged... yeah right!!!)

> > Can't come up with too many keepers and bowlers though...

> > Can I be 12th man? :-)

> Phil Tufnell is one bowler known to enjoy a puff.
> Chris Cairns is reckoned to be a connoisseur too.
> Jo(i)nty Rhodes!
> As for a keeper, Jack Russell is an artist also and we all know about
> them and he bats like someone whose stoned.
> Courtney has to be included because he makes me high anyway.

Courtney makes me go all unneccesary too- news to most people I guess :)

--
Jackie Hewitt

Courtney Walsh's Biggest Fan

See my tribute to Courtney

http://users.ox.ac.uk/~jackieh/courtney_walsh.html

 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Mike Rochfor » Sat, 09 May 1998 04:00:00


Quote:

>> Can't come up with too many keepers and bowlers though...

Keeper - Parore (NZ).
 
 
 

New England Captain Named!!!

Post by Matthew Ha » Sat, 09 May 1998 04:00:00



Distribution:


: >>
: >> Can't come up with too many keepers and bowlers though...
: >>

: Keeper - Parore (NZ).

One bowler who should certainly make the Stoned XI is Ed Giddins of
Warwickshire, once of Sussex.  No international honours but a fine record
of *** use, which should certainly be enough to get him a spot on the
team.  A pretty useful bowler, too . . .

Matt