Gems from the Botham/Imran trial [ET news item]

Gems from the Botham/Imran trial [ET news item]

Post by Charles Le » Sat, 03 Aug 1996 04:00:00

BOTHAM: You can stretch the laws to a point. You can nick it or
you can walk. If you're playing against the Australians, you
don't walk.

BOTHAM: I'd like to inform Imran that my wife and I have a very
successful marriage, thank you.

MR CARMAN to Botham: Did you say Pakistan was the kind of place
to send your mother-in-law for a month all expenses paid? BOTHAM:
No. I said Pakistan was the kind of place I would like to send my
mother-in-law to for two weeks.

LAMB (slightly confused): I left South Africa because I was
against anti-apartheid.

LAMB (more confused): I condone anyone who tampers with the ball.
MR GRAY: Yes, we've had problems with the word condone. I think
you mean condemn, don't you? LAMB: Yes, sir.

JOHN EMBURY (Middlesex spin bowler) to MR Carman: You appear to
be more aware of reverse swing that I am. I've been playing for
23 years and I still don't understand it.

MR CARMAN to Brian Close (former Yorkshire captain): You say
Geoffrey Boycott is an honest man, don't you? CLOSE: I wouldn't
like to answer that.

MR JUSTICE FRENCH: Some of us remember Bodyline bowling. CLOSE:
Well, I've only read about that.

ROBIN SMITH (Hampshire batsman) apologising to the judge for his
confusion in the witness box: Sorry, your honour. I've got my
crazy head on today.

MR CARMAN to retired umpire Don Oslear as he produces his cricket
ball measuring equipment: Do you carry your little cricketing
hand***everywhere, Mr Oslear? OSLEAR: Yes. In my left pocket.
MR CARMAN: Um, I see. Very methodical.

LYNDSEY LAMB: This is my 11th day of listening to ball tampering.
We had four days with Mr Nawaz. This is another seven days now
I've been listening to balls.

KATHY BOTHAM, on her husband: I used to say that whenever the
camera panned in on him on the field of play, he'd either be
picking his nose or chewing his nails.

MR CARMAN to Imran: Do try please to slow down. You are talking
at fast bowler pace.

MR GRAY to Imran: Are you saying that the press were writing
about Botham becoming a bit porky? IMRAN: No. Beefy.

MR CARMAN, questioning former Essex bowler Derek Pringle on his
team's use of lipsalve: Was that done on a regular basis?
PRINGLE: Every day.

MR CARMAN to Boycott: I did ask him (Don Oslear) about you.
BOYCOTT: Um. So I hear.

JUDGE about Boycott: It appears this witness's evidence is in
danger of getting out of hand. I think he should now leave the
witness stand. BOYCOTT, bounding out of the box: That's a pity.

[From: Electronic Telegraph]
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit."
                                                - Somerset Maugham