Sport Today

No its not a typo...
I have just finished reading a rather hilarious book entitled :"The Art
Of Coarse Sailing" by Michael Green. It follows the misadventures of a
bunch of coarse (read hopeless) sailors who have no idea how to sail
yachts andd the trouble that gets them into I quote:

"Quiet Dawn turned into the wind and started to drift sideways towards
the railway bridge at an alarming rate... Meanwhile Dennis was trying to
restore steerage way looking rather like an ancient phonecian oarsman.
Arthur was pumping the tiller to bring the bows around and shouting at
Joan to start paddling with the deck mop." Suffice to say they dimast
themselves.

But it got me thinking about my own sailboarding coarse moments, and the
one I have seen. As an instructor and sailboard shop employee I get to
see more than one or two, so perhaps I will begin what I hope will be a
long thread...

A female student, despite repeated warnings NOT to go near the pier,
sails right up to it and rams it. A wave lifts the board and rig up,
hooking the boom over a post. She falls off, leaving the rig hung up on
the post. Another wave comes, dislodges the rig, and it lands on her
head.

A customer goes sailing with his new fin. He returns telling me it is
the worst thing he has ever used and that he wants his money back. I go
out to his car to have a look at the board. I take the fin cover off and
he says-"Oh is that just a cover?" hmmm nice one.

A caller rings a workmate to ask if there are harness lines he could put
around his body as he can't afford a harness and would that work? We
thought not.

A workmate tries to repair his board in a hurry. He mixes polyester
resin with epoxy hardner-to little effect.

I rescued a guy who had lost his rig. I asked how this had come about
and he said "My head turban came off, and I decided to re rig out here
in the water, but when I detatched my base, a wave pulled it out of my
hands and it sank to the bottom".

I got plenty more folks....
cheers
Tom Reynolds
AUS 666
Instructor, competitor, drinker, bum.

--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas H Reynolds-

Homepage: http://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/~thomasr
" I don't know. . . this is all complete bollocks"
- Eddie Hitler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The worst "Walk of Shame" I've ever done was through extremely deep
soft mud under about 8 inches of water and the tide was still retreating.
The wind died just as I started to throw a rooster tail of mud
instead of water.

I had to lie flat on my back and use my legs and feet to push myself
and the board and rig for about a quarter mile to the deep channel.
Everybody else that day figured out how to stay out of the shallow
water.

Who else is willing to tell these embarrassing stories about themselves?

Gil (Klutz) Woolley

clip....

Another one I do every nce in a while, especially when it's blowing and
I've been thru a little rigging frenzy, is to go out, pull in the boom,
throw in the hips, to hook in, and you guessed it, no harness.

I once decided I could jump my Angulo with a 7.8 Aeroforce and a 14"
ponter fin, off the wake/hole in the water behind a really big sailboat.
Went rippin along the windward rail of this 50 footer that was well heeled
over, found the hole behind the huge rudder, and jumped about 4 ft in the
air. I wasn't too good with landing back then and the next ripping sound
was all the glass around the fin box ripping off the board and I watched as
my $100 carbon pointer fin sank behind me. Ooops!

later
sailquik (Roger Jackson) US 3704 |Ph#in MD 301-872-9459
F2/North Sails/ True Ames/Rainbow|Ph#in NC 919-995-3204
US Sail Lvl 1 WS Instructor

As I made the Walk of Overexuberance upwind along the Oregon coast, against a
horrible, very gusty wind, I discovered the EASY way to hike a board and rig
upwind half a mile or so. I have no trouble walking board and rig across any
amount of wind, but straight upwind was a real challenge in 20-30-35 knots.

All the board and sail geometries I tried just got me flogged by gear and wore
me out, so I took the easy way out: I grabbed the top of the mast with one hand
and began walking. Problem solved. The rig and board figured out their own
damned geometry, and my effort declined by about 90%.

I was refreshed and reddy to rip as soon as I got back upwind. WWAAAYYYY back
upwind, so next time the rip current dragged my ***downwind in a lull, I was
at the "launch site" where we were parked.

Oh, yeah -- you said "embarrassed". There's nothing embarrassing about anything
that works, and that includes the Walk of Overexuberance, dragging your board
up the beach, and wearing a helmet.

Embarrassing? Spearing your board completely through a friend's board -- in the
bottom and out the top.

Embarrassing? Tiptoeing down a slimy, rocky launch, getting organized, pulling
off a flawless jump start .... and realizing your fin is still in the van 100
yards away as you slide sideways on your finless board.

Embarrassing? Not even knowing that double-wide barge was THERE until you felt
its bow splash on your leg -- while you're spun completely out.

Been dere. Done 'em.

Mike \m/
Never Leave Wind To Find Wind

Getting too close to that point -now being swept by the current - not knowing
what is on the other side or how I'll get back and deciding to land on the
rocks.  Watching out not to ding that rented glass board and finally,
discovering that my booties are not sea urchin proof - collected about 25
spines in my feet.

My wife had a good time pulling them out with some tweezers - except for that
last really long one that spurted *** . . .

Tom O'Brien - Chicago

to go near the pier,

I made myself a timber bottom polyester board. i had it for ages, it was
a real "magic" board. But I lent it to a guy who wanted to get one from
me. But he dinged it getting it off the car, didn't look, and while out
sailing delaminated the bottom so badly that when he jumped it he
snapped it in two.
But, yes I did make him a board...eventually...

A guy rigging up in the car park ties his uphaul to a post while he goes
to get his board. He did not however tie the uphaul to the boom properly
and when a gust came through, the sail got picked up and impaled on a no
parking sign. We had to all lift the sail up and off the sign, was the
accuracy of the impalement.....

I took a friend wavesailing for the first time- to a place called Pt
Leo, here in Victoria, Australia. It was fairly big 4-5 feet, even
though it was low tide. I warned him to only go frontside as a backside
adventure would take him onto dry reef. He ignored my sensible advice,
and went backside. As he ran out of water, he jumped off the board onto
the reef, and (in booties) started running ahead of the white water.
Almost made it too.. we named that sport reef running. Don't try it at
home kiddies.

ok more personal confessions:
I have:

-Looped onto a friend who was sailing slightly downwind of me. Rails
clashed HARD, but no damage to humans....

-Looped onto dry sand, so intent was I on getting one off theback of
what looked like a big wave. It was big alright, because it was the
shorey close out...

-Hit the reef at my local spot at full pace taking out my fin box (big
deal you might say. Yeah well you think I might know where the freakin
thing is after 7 years sailing there...)

Sorry, but still more to come.....
tom

--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas H Reynolds-

Homepage: http://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/~thomasr
" I don't know. . . this is all complete bollocks"
- Eddie Hitler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cheers coarse sailors of the world!!!

tom

--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas H Reynolds-

Homepage: http://SportToday.org/~thomasr
" I don't know. . . this is all complete bollocks"
- Eddie Hitler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I realise this is fast becoming my own thread, but it beats the ass off
the usual which fin/board/sail is best.

When I was a beginner(tm) I witnessed am magnificent moment in coarse
sailing.

A guy was going out at Mt  Martha, here in Victoria, Australia. It
seemed like it was a million knots, it was probably 25, tops. he carried
his gear correctly to the waters edge, but (and even to my then
untrained eye) he seemed to get all arse about, and tried to push the
clew end towards the wind. Suffice to say, this was a task and a half,
and when the sizable shore break/close out hit, it smacked him down like
an errant red headed stepchlild, the mast accross his chest, with the
wave washing over him to keep him pinned. a bigger wave broke, and it
actually broke the friggin mast over his chest like a tree branch. At
this stage I began to run towards this poor hapless clown. He did
however mange to extracate himself from the aforementioned position, and
crawled up onto dry sand and damn near kissed it-pope style. A certified
coarse sailor. I am really careful when launching into a big shorey.
thanks mate...........
whoever you are......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas H Reynolds-

Homepage: http://yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au/~thomasr
" I don't know. . . this is all complete bollocks"
- Eddie Hitler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wolfgang
--
Wolfgang Soergel                  
Lehrstuhl fuer Nachrichtentechnik / phone: ++49-9131-857781
Universitaet Erlangen-Nuernberg  /  fax:   ++49-9131-858849
Cauerstrasse 7             /     email:

D-91058 Erlangen, GERMANY /
http://SportToday.org/~wsoergel