Funny how things get twisted as they get floated around the world. Not sure
which is the original, but this is the version I received, which admittedly is
slightly more heavy on Americans ......
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
Quote:
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
> she
> does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
> the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
> for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
> noticed.
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
> should
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using
> the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like"
> and
> "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look
> up "interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
> your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the British and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the
> good guys. True stories from WW2 will no longer be changed to suit
> American audiences.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
> football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game.
> The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
> Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
> difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
> play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
> sevens side by 2005.
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in Britain. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are ***and it is for your
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
> Thank you for your co-operation.
Quote:
> Subject: For our American brethren......
> Just a quick note to all our American friends in light of the recent
> Election events (or non events):
> Claiming back the States.......
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect anybody as President of the USA
> and thus to govern yourselves and, by extension, the freeworld, we
> hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
> today.
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
> duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories
> (including New Jersey).
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please
> comply with the following acts:
> 1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75).
> Start spelling (and pronouncing) all English words correctly.
> 2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God Save The Queen".
> 3. Start referring to "soccer" as football.
> 4. Immediately declare war on Quebec (and France).
> 5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason.
> 6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby
> 7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding. Train
> waitresses to be more aggressive with customers and not to tell you
> their names before you eat.
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday, this has been replaced with
> November 5th (aka Guy Fawkes Day - NB; The fella who tried to blow up | the
> Houses of Parliament).
> 9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to
> take 6 weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks.
> 10. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect
> the change immediately.
> 11. All citizens are to report to our Consulate General in N.Y. - for
> your new passport and job allocation.
> 12. Have Meg Ryan report to HRH, the Prince Andrews, Bedchamber.
> 13. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument -
> and the Queens Christmas speeches to the Lincoln Memorial.
> 14. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it
> the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
> 15. The America's Cup is now to be called The Britannia Cup and kept in
> London.
> Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you
> shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
> Thank you for your co-operation and have a nice day!
> --
> Marc A. Lefebvre (US-775)
> Cape Cod Windsurfing Association President
> US Windsurfing North East Regional Director
> Sponsors: AHD/Neil Pryde/Fiberspar/Island Sports/Widax Corp
> WWW: http://SportToday.org/~lefebvre/
> Motto: "Windsurfing is life, the rest is just details!"
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