New Colnago Bikes Come With New Drug To Treat New Bike Disease

New Colnago Bikes Come With New Drug To Treat New Bike Disease

Post by Clem Schnid » Tue, 04 Jun 2002 11:54:25

New Colnago Bikes Come With New Drug To Treat New Bike Disease

Colnago, ITALY - The new 2003 Colnago line of bicycles, announced today by,
you know, Ernesto, apparently come complete with a years supply of a new
genetically-based undetectable drug discovered just yesterday, that may
treat one of the many new diseases caused by using Conago bicycles in the
first place.

"Our bicycles," said Colnago company president Ernesto Colnago, "comes
complete with a years supply of a new genetic drug that, like, can help
control one of the main diseases which result from riding our bikes -- the
disease of, you know, like, suddenly becoming, like, totally all dumb, an'
shit."

According to the ATF and the FBI, who performed tests on their own
employees, Colnago bike usage causes the disease of suddenly becoming, like,
totally all dumb an' shit, to totally affect, like, 99.9999998% of all
Colnago users, even if they are, already, like, totally all dumb, an' shit.

Though the new genetic drug does not completely cure the disease of, you
know, like, suddenly becoming, like, totally all dumb an' shit, it has been
found to be effective in causing at least, like, 3% of the people tested to
not TOTALLY become, like, totally all dumb an' shit, but to only MOSTLY
become, like, totally all dumb an' shit.

And the drug's side effects of constant nausea, vomiting, headaches,
diarrhea, constipation, abdominal pain, joint pain, and inability to move,
occur in only 99.999998% of average users.

The company that manufactures the new drug, whoever, also announced today
that it would soon announce another new drug similar to the drug that makes
you not totally contract the disease of, like, totally becoming, like,
totally all dumb an' shit from using Colnago bikes.

"Our new new drug," said drug company president Joe Drugcompanypresident,
"is very similar to our new drug that makes you, like, not become, like,
totally all dumb an' shit from using Colnago bicycles -- except our new new
drug will make you, like, not become, like, totally all dumb an' shit from
watching OLN "reality" bicycle programming."