Joey Morella: Well, he had a lot to talk about. I think that the Kink is ready
for the introductions here.....Let's go to him now......Kink?
Kink: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Weekend Warriors!!
<<Crowd pops more than anything that has ever popped before>>
Kink: Our first matchup is a tag team matchup scheduled for one fall and it is
a non title matchup......introducing first, from the Triple ***, here are
the R.A.W. Tag Team Champions of the world..... SEAN MARTINI and MR MAN!!
<<Crowd boos as Martini and Man are flipping off the crowd and taunting them as
Seitz is behind the two pointing and laughing at the fans>>
Kink: And their opponents.....here are DIRTY SANCHEZ and DONKEY PUNCH.....they
<<Crowd is giving a mild cheer for the newer tag team as they make their way
towards the ring>>
Arny Bishoff: This is going to be a tough match for SKA. I mean, the titles
aren't on the line, but I think that SKA really wants to make an impression on
the R.A.W. title committee and get a shot at the gold sometime down the road.
Here they come now. They are not rushing to the ring though. They know that
this match is more important to them than to the Triple ***.
Vic Studd: Speaking of large ***s....
<<Joey and Arny look at each other>>
Joey Morella: Who was speaking about ***s?
Vic Studd: I would be, but you two horn blowers don't give me a chance.
Arny Bishoff: Well Vic, we are here to call the match you know. Sheesh...
<<Vic reaches down and russles around in his VIC STICK VARIETY PACK bag that he
brought with him to ringside and pulls out one of his original VIC
STICKS.......the 2 X 4 with a rusty nail in it>>
Vic Studd: I'm only going to tell you this once.....<<As we hear a big thump as
he drops the VIC STICK on the announcer's table>>.....Don't F*ck with me
tonight! I haven't been laid in three days!
Joey Morella: Vic....<<As he looks at the VIC STICK closely>>....that's not
just the regular original VIC STICK is it?
Vic Studd: Uhh.....actually no. I'm trying to get rid of these. You see
here....<<As he points out some Japanese writing on the side of the VIC
STICK>>....This was one that was being made before I sent Takara back to Japan.
This was the limited edition "Large Erect Flying Elves" model.....or at least
that's what he said it meant in Japanese.
Arny Bishoff: Okay, well I think we should get to the match here as Donkey
Punch is standing in the middle of the ring as Mr Man and Sean Martini are both
just pointing fingers and laughing at him. Mr Man now stops and gets right into
the face of Donkey Punch and starts jawing with him. Dirty Sanchez now runs
over and grabs Sean Martini and throws him to the ropes and.....big back body
drop! Mr Man and Donkey Punch are now nailing each other with rights and
lefts.....uh oh.....Dirty Sanchez....Whoa! Sanchez has Mr Man from behind and
he's holding him up for Donkey Punch and......WOW! What a right hand from
Donkey! Mr Man goes flopping to the outside with the rest of the Triple
Joey Morella: What action already! The fans at ringside are cheering as SKA is
gaining the upper hand right now! The Triple *** are talking on the outside
and here's Martini getting up on the apron and tells the ref to move Donkey
back. Now, Martini relunctantly gets into the ring and he does a quick pose as
the crowd boos.
Arny Bishoff: Look now as Donkey Punch looks to the crowd and then puts his
hand to his lips and then to his buttocks.....Whoa! He just told him to
Vic Studd: He told him to kiss him on his hairy, sweaty bunghole!
Joey Morella: Vic, remember that this is a family show. At any rate, we've got
some action starting here as Donkey Punch and Sean Martini lock up. Both men
are trying to gain the upper hand and they break the hold as neither of them
got an advantage. Now, they lock up again and Donkey Punch throws down Martini
<<Fans are cheering>>
Arny Bishoff: Donkey got some leverage on that one and capitalized on it.
Vic Studd: You think that Martini is hurt? He's just get right up and nail that
Donkey Shmuck out!
Joey Morella: Well, that's just fine and dandy. But right now, it's Donkey
Punch who's in control. Martini now is pointing at Dirty Sanchez and is telling
Punch to tag out. Punch is asking if he wants Sanchez in the ring. Martini is
nodding yes and there's the tag! The fans are cheering as.....Wait a
minute....Martini goes to the outside here and the Triple *** all are on
the floor laughing and calling for timeouts as Sanchez is yelling at the
referee to get Martini back into the ring.
Arny Bishoff: What's this? Sanchez to the opposite ropes and......OH MY LORD!!
Sanchez has launched himself over the top rope and lands on all three members
of the Triple ***!! The fans are going wild here!
Vic Studd: Remy can do all of that and he is the R.A.W. CruiserWeight Champion.
You'll see later on how he's going to destroy Michael Stryker even without me
at ringside for it!
Joey Morella: We'll see about that Vic......But, Sanchez gets back up and rolls
into the ring now as the fans are cheering for him. He's clutching his right
arm a bit it seems. He did take a *** fall after landing on the Triple
***. Steven Seitz is on the ring apron complaining to the referee that
Sanchez shouldn't do that and.....Look out! Sanchez goes after Seitz and Seitz
ducks down and pulls the ropes down and Sanchez goes rolling out to the floor
and now he's really holding that right arm! He's hurt folks, and now Mr Man and
Martini are stomping on Sanchez. They now take the arm and repeatedly smash it
into the Isle of Tonga announcer's table! Seitz is still distracting the
referee here as the other two members are just putting a beating to Sanchez!
Vic Studd: That's great cheating tactics. They must've read my best
seller....Cheating: 1,001 ways to win a match. Sold in stores and also on the
1-900-VIC-STIK line! Just ask for it by name!
Arny Bishoff: Shameless plugs are not beneath you are they Vic?
Vic Studd: Bite me Bishoff....
Joey Morella: Well, Sanchez is rolled into the ring and he is hurt and now
Martini is in the ring with him as Mr Man stands up on the apron and is acting
like he did nothing. Martini picks up Sanchez and......Whoa! Out of nowhere a
MARTINI DRIVER!! That's gotta be it.....you can count to 20.....What? Martini
is not going to cover him! Have you noticed Arny that Mr Man has not been in
this matchup yet?
Arny Bishoff: Well, aside from the double teaming that is Joey. But yes, I did
notice that. Oh, oh.....Martini now tags Mr Man and he climbs to the top and is
perched there on the top turnbuckle! Martini now picks up Sanchez
and......Another MARTINI DRIVER! Whoa.....and now Martini is pointing up at Mr
Man and Seitz gets up on the apron and points at Mr Man and.......WHOA!! What a
beautiful moonsault!! That's the MAN'S MOONSAULT!! It's all over......What an
Joey Morella: Well, that one was over quicker and easier than I thought. I
mean, look at the Triple *** just basking in the glory of their win. They
are walking down the aisle back to the dressing room and they are sure full of
Arny Bishoff: Well, let's go to the Kink with the next matchup...
Kink: This next bout is for one fall......introducing first, here is TNT!!!
<<Crowd is cheering for the *** Bastard ' 98 tourney competitor>>
Joey Morella: This guy is as tough as they come! And he's facing another tough
guy here tonight!
Kink: And his opponent, coming down the aisle momentarily.....here is "MEAN"
<<Crowd is booing as they see no one coming down the aisle>>
Kink: Uhh....<<As he is sweating>>....Uhh...I said....here is "MEAN" MARK
<<Crowd continues to boo as it seems that Green is a no show>>
Arny Bishoff: This is uncalled for! I mean, this Green thinks he is tough ***
and in the bigtime and he can't even show up for one match? He's missed his
last few matches and I for one would not put up with it!
Vic Studd: I'm glad he didn't show.....one less match that I have to sleep
Joey Morella: Well, I think that Mr Green should be fined and suspended for
<<Suddenly, TNT grabs the Kink's microphone and shoves him out of the way>>
TNT: What the f*ck is this!!
<<Crowd pops for the use of colorful language>>
TNT: I'm here to fight some ham and egger and he don't even show up? This is a
bunch of $hit!! I get signed here in R.A.W. to be .....as Slaughter told
<<Crowd is cheering>>
TNT: I had to job to some guy ..... yeah, I was jobbed to some flake cause he
was getting "over" with the fans! What the F*CK!! I could give three oblong
ol' TNT is that they won't tell me who the F*CK I'm facing in the ***
BASTARD tourney coming up soon! You know what, whomever I have to face is going
to be in some bigtime trouble cause...
<<Suddenly TNT is interrupted by a voice and we hear some ***ic laughter>>
TNT: What the hell?
VOICE: Heh, heh, heh....Hoo, hoo.....
<<TNT is looking around and the crowd is quiet as they try to listen in and
then TNT goes towards the back to see if he can find who's behind this>>
VOICE: TNT, you'll soon know who you will be facing! And believe me, he'll come
out there and give you a shot in the puss! And in the mouth too!
Joey Morella: Oh Lord no! I know that voice.....My Lord.....Slaughter please
tell me you didn't......Please....
Arny Bishoff: Oh my, things are going to get downright *** in that ***
Bastard Tourney if that voice is who I think it is.....