Sunday Night Superstars - 06/07/98 (Part One)

Sunday Night Superstars - 06/07/98 (Part One)

Post by sha.. » Mon, 08 Jun 1998 04:00:00

(The screen dissolves to white as on the left, a ribbon of Canadian
flags scrolls quickly upward while the CIWF Theme begins to play.  In
the top right-hand corner, the CIWF logo spins into view while red
lettering appears reading "Sunday Night Superstars" in the middle.  The
music crests as the scene dissolves to an interior shot of the CIWF
arena where Don Shamus and "Iron" Mike Willis are sitting at the
commentators' table at ringside, each man wearing a headset.)

SHAMUS:  Good evening, everyone and welcome to another edition of Sunday
Night Superstars!

(Each corner ringpost erupts with a brilliant red flare accompanied by a
loud *BANG* as the crowd roars and surges to its feet as the camera
swings overhead.  A few signs are seen which read: "RHYME & REASON, KICK

SHAMUS:  I'm Don Shamus along with "Iron" Mike Willis as we're coming to
you live from the CIWF Arena located in downtown Winnipeg, Manitoba!

WILLIS:  Man oh man!  Things are heating up as we count down to first
the Garneau Plate Memorial Tournament starting next week and then
Hamilton Heatwave in three weeks!!

SHAMUS:  Hard to believe it's June already, eh, Mike?

WILLIS:  Speak for yourself!  I *LOVE* this weather!!

SHAMUS:  Well let's get to our first match of the evening, a debut for
both teams involved.

SORBAY:  This next contest is scheduled for one fall.  Introducing
first, accompanied to the ring by Ringmaster P.T. Bailey, at a total
combined weight of 800 pounds, the team of Rock-o The Clown and "Fat"
Danny Milhaus..... JOKE & THE FATMAN!

("The Circus" Calliope" by JOHN PHILLIP SOUSA begins playing over the
P.A. system as the enormous girth of "Fat" Danny Milhaus waddles through
the curtains followed by Rock-o and Bailey.  Rock-o continuously tries
to get around his huge friend but looks impatient and frustrated as he's
unable to do so.  The crowd boos as the three members of The Sideshow
slowly approach the ring as Rock-o's head is seen bobbing up and down
over "Fat" Danny's rounded shoulders.)

WILLIS:  Can you believe this?!?  "Fat" Danny by himself weighs more
than their opponents do combined!!

SHAMUS:  P.T. Bailey wanted to recruit a superheavyweight and he sure
found one!

SORBAY:  And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 446 pounds,
the team of Nico "The Spider" Arakis and Dragon Lee..... THE DARING

(The funky disco sounds of "Kung Fu Fighting" remastered by DJ REMIX
begin thumping over the P.A. system as Nico Arakis bursts through the
curtains followed by a muscular Oriental man wearing a green costume and
mask.  A red serpentine dragon is blazed across the chest of Dragon
Lee's costume as the two cruiserweights jog quickly down to the ring
while the fans cheer them loudly.)

SHAMUS:  This is the first time we're seeing Dragon Lee in the ring and
this young man from Hong Kong looks impressive.

WILLIS:  If he's such hot stuff, why did he team up with loser, "The

SHAMUS:  Nico took our own Cruiserweight Champion The Kabuki Kid to the
limit in his last singles match so I wouldn't underestimate him if I
were you.  It'll be Arakis and Rock-o to start off for their respective
teams and there goes the bell.  Collar-and-elbow tie-up and Arakis slips
out, grabs an arm and sends Rock-o into the ropes with an Irish whip.
Arakis misses with a clothesline as Rock-o ducks underneath it and runs
into the ropes on the opposite side.  But he's stopped short when Arakis
hits him with a shoulderblock, followed by a clothesline.  Rock-o reels
backward and bounces off the ropes again but he's still on his feet.
Rock-o with the charge and Arakis takes him down with a hiptoss.

WILLIS:  Punk's just lucky, that's all!  Rock-o's gonna clean his clock
with The Krazy Kick, you'll see!!

SHAMUS:  Rock-o is down on the canvas and Arakis climbs into the corner
and... nails him with a moonsault!  Nico makes the pin and here's Bob
Miller with the count: one, two, shoulder up.  P.T. Bailey shouting
encouragement from ringside as both men regain their feet.  Rock-o's up
first and he nails Arakis with a dropkick.  He grabs "The Spider" and
sends him into the turnbuckle with an Irish whip.  Rock-o charges in
afterward and buries his shoulder into Arakis' stomach.  Rock-o tries to
repeat his success as he whips Arakis into the turnbuckle on the
opposite side.  Rock-o with another charge and... ooh! Arakis moves out
of the way and Rock-o runs shoulder-first into the ringpost!

WILLIS:  C'mon, Rock-o!  Pay attention!!

SHAMUS:  Arakis with the advantage as he sets up a dazed Rock-o... and
takes him down with a Russian legsweep.  Arakis pulls Rock-o to his
feet, sends him into the ropes and goes for a hurricanrana... oh!
Rock-o counters with a power bomb and he drives Nico into the mat!  He's
got the pin: one, two, thre... shoulder up just in the nick of time!

WILLIS:  I told you this dumb Greek was lucky!!

SHAMUS:  Rock-o yells at Bob Miller for making what he thinks is a slow
count.  He drags Arakis up and hammers him across the chest with a
knife-edge chop.  Oh!  And Rock-o knocks Arakis flying with a standing
dropkick!  A very impressive move as Rock-o goes to his corner and tags
out to Milhaus.  Both members of Joke & The Fatman are in the ring as
they whip Arakis into the ropes... and nail him with a double bodyslam!

WILLIS:  They've been taking lessons from The Panzini's!!

SHAMUS:  Rock-o rolls out of the ring as "Fat" Danny pulls him up and
sends him into the ropes.  Arakis bounces back and executes a flying
cross body press... no!  Milhaus catches him in mid-air and poor Arakis
is caught!  Owch!  And Milhaus falls forward, holding Arakis in his arms
for a punishing front splash!

WILLIS:  Yikes!  That's what we call The Compress-o Weight Reduction
Plan!  Guaranteed to make you thinner!!

SHAMUS:  Arakis is pinned and Bob Miller counts: one, two, kickout.
Incredible tenacity by the young Greek cruiserweight as he was crushed
beneath "Fat" Danny's bulk.  Milhaus is a little slow regaining his

WILLIS:  You would be too if you had that much weight to haul around!
That's 550 pounds of human being you're looking at there!!

SHAMUS:  Arakis manages to roll away from a stomp as he regains his
feet.  He runs into the ropes, bouncing back to hit Milhaus in the chest
with an elbow but the big man doesn't budge.  Milhaus grabs an arm and
sends Arakis into the ropes with an Irish whip.  Arakis rebounds and
hits with another elbow and this time Milhaus shifted backward a
little.  Arakis tries one more time as he runs into the ropes, tumbles
forward and smacks into Milhaus with a handspring elbow.

WILLIS:  That got his attention!!

SHAMUS:  Milhaus rocked back on his heels and he finally looks a little
dazed as Arakis makes the tag to Dragon Lee.  The young martial artist
from Hong Kong vaults up to the top turnbuckle... and smashes into
Milhaus with a flying karate chop.  Milhaus is still standing in the
middle of the ring as it's proven almost impossible to knock him down.
Lee bounces off the ropes and nails him with an enzuigiri to the face.
Milhaus shaking out the cobwebs as Lee goes for another enzuigiri but
Milhaus ducks it, grabs Lee and... catches him in a belly-to-belly

WILLIS:  Squashed flat like a bug!!

SHAMUS:  Bob Miller makes the count: one, two, hey!  Milhaus
deliberately pulls up Dragon Lee, breaking the pin!  P.T. Bailey is
shouting encouragement to him as Milhaus picks up Dragon Lee in his
arms... and takes him down with a falling splash!  Another pin attempt:
one, two, three!

[ding ding ding]

SORBAY:  Here are your winners, in three minutes and fifty-one
seconds..... JOKE & THE FATMAN!

WILLIS:  Better get a spatula out here!  Lee just got welcomed to the
CIWF by getting pulped!!

SHAMUS:  A convincing victory for Bailey's newest tag team as "Fat"
Danny Milhaus just proved to be unstoppable.

WILLIS:  Not quite as good as The Gangster Posse but not bad!  Not bad
at all!!

SHAMUS:  Coming up next, a man with a true fighting spirit...

WILLIS:  But what a putz!  Imagine challenging Jack Banks to a strap
match?!?  He's gonna get slaughtered!!

SHAMUS:  O'Meara expressing what perhaps some of the fans have felt.
Jack Banks has always been known for turning it up a notch but by
injuring Leviathan Friday night, has he gone too far?

WILLIS:  Leviathan's gonna be back real soon and angrier than ever!  He
and Jack Banks are far from finished with each other!!

SORBAY:  This next contest is scheduled for one fall.  Introducing
first, weighing in at 285 pounds and hailing from Dublin, Ireland.....

("The Danny Boy Blues" by BRIAN SETZER begins playing over the P.A.
system and the crowd cheers loudly.  Seamus O'Meara steps through the
curtains in his green wool kilt and waves as he makes his way to the

SHAMUS:  O'Meara looked impressive by defeating Leviathan on Wednesday
but fell prey to a sleeperhold from "Thriller" Scott Miller on Friday

WILLIS:  And my homie, C-Lish, is gonna bust `im up good!!

SORBAY:  And his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Blake Studwell,
weighing in at 245 pounds and hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio..... "THE

("I Want Your Sex" by GEORGE MICHAEL begins playing over the P.A.
system.  The fans boo as Studwell precedes Del Rio through the
curtains.  Del Rio sneers at the crowd as he walks imperiously down to
the ring.)

SHAMUS:  Del Rio scoring a win over Shaolin recently when Foxxy got

WILLIS:  Heh, if Foxxy wants to get involved with someone, *I'LL* show
her a thing or two!!

SHAMUS:  Mike!  Act your age!

WILLIS:  I am!  I'm a healthy, red-***ed *** male!!  What's the

SHAMUS:  There's the bell and... oh my!  O'Meara starts things off in a
hurry as he wraps an unsuspecting Del Rio up in a small package!  Oh!
Del Rio reverses it and pins O'Meara.  Ed Harris is there to make the
count: one, two, kickout by O'Meara.  Both men back on their feet and
O'Meara kicks Del Rio in the stomach, hoists him up... and nails him
with a vertical suplex.  Del Rio goes down hard and the crowd cheers for

WILLIS:  Peons!  What do they know?!?

SHAMUS:  O'Meara pulls Del Rio and goes for a short clothesline but Del
Rio ducks it and nails him in the head with a punch.  Del Rio with a
double-axehandle chop to the chest before running into the ropes.  He
bounces back and attempts a flying clothesline... oh!  O'Meara ducks it
and Del Rio goes down hard!  O'Meara in control now as he pulls Del Rio
to his feet and sends him into the turnbuckle... no, Del Rio reverses it
and O'Meara is sent crashing into the corner.  O'Meara comes right back
out but is met with an elbow to the jaw.  Del Rio demonstrating his
determination to win as he follows that up with a dropkick that knocks
the "Fightin' Irishman" back into the corner.

WILLIS:  That's my homie!  He's "The Ultimate"!!

SHAMUS:  O'Meara staggers forward and Del Rio tries for a superkick...
no, O'Meara ducks it and nails him with a***to the midsection.  The
tide has turned once more as O'Meara grabs an arm and whips Del Rio into
the ropes, taking him down with a drop toehold on the rebound.  Del Rio
went crashing face-first into the canvas and while he's on his stomach,
O'Meara nails him with an elbowdrop to the lower back.  O'Meara drags
him to his feet and nails him with a punch before lifting Del Rio up...
and nailing him with a backbreaker!

WILLIS:  He's going for your lower back, Chris!  Stop him!!

SHAMUS:  Del Rio clutching the base of his spine in some pain now as
O'Meara grabs him... oh!  Del Rio blinds him with a facerake and slaps
on a standing wristlock.  O'Meara grits his teeth but manages to break
out of the hold fairly quickly.  Del Rio lines him up... and nails him
with a superkick.  Oh my!  But O'Meara shrugs it off and simply stares
at him!

WILLIS:  The Irishman's got a thick head, that's all!!

SHAMUS:  Del Rio surprised his superkick had such little effect and
O'Meara takes advantage by grabbing an arm and *** him into the
turnbuckle.  O'Meara charges in with a clothesline... oh!  Del Rio
lifted his leg and caught the "Fightin' Irishman" right in the face!

WILLIS:  Hee hee hee!  C-Lish is just too quick for him!!

SHAMUS:  Del Rio comes out of the corner and attempts a bodyslam but
O'Meara blocks it.  O'Meara whips him into the ropes but Del Rio
reverses it and sends him flying with an armdrag takedown.  Del Rio in
control now as he pulls O'Meara to his feet and nails him with a
double-axehandle chop across the shoulders.  Del Rio showing a bit of
frustration here as he slaps on a blatant chokehold.  Ed Harris counts
for the break: one, two, three and Del Rio releases it.

WILLIS:  You're not gonna see him get DQ'd!  Nosirree, he's too smart
for that!!

SHAMUS:  O'Meara clutching his throat but he manages to take Del Rio
down with a hiptoss.  O'Meara comes from behind as Del Rio stands up.
O'Meara grabs him and goes for a belly-to-back suplex but Del Rio
counters with an elbowsmash to the face.  Del Rio grabs his head... and
hits him with a reverse neckbreaker.  O'Meara goes down and Del Rio
takes a moment to gloat.

WILLIS:  He deserves a little praise!  The man is "The Ultimate Male"
after all!!

SHAMUS:  Del Rio grabs a handful of hair and throws O'Meara between the
ropes and out of the ring.  Del Rio steps out onto the apron and waits
for O'Meara to stand up.  He launches himself... oh!  Del Rio tried for
a flying dropkick but O'Meara stepped out of the way!  Del Rio looking
wobbly as he stands up only to get knocked down again as O'Meara nails
him with a running clothesline.  O'Meara picks him up in his arms...
ouch!  And he drives Del Rio's back right into the ringpost!

WILLIS:  He's going after that lower back again, I tell ya!  He's picked
a target and he's going after it!!

SHAMUS:  The match is temporarily out on the floor as Ed Harris starts
counting both men out.  Del Rio looks hurt as O'Meara sends him crashing
into the guardrail with an Irish whip.  And I think you're right, Mike,
as O'Meara has definitely been focusing his attacks on the lower back.

WILLIS:  Of course I'm right!  Aren't I always?!?

SHAMUS:  A tremendous battle between these two as Blake Studwell tries
to intervene but O'Meara knocks him down with a stiff punch.  He picks
up a battered Chris Del Rio and rolls him back into the ring.  O'Meara
climbs up onto the top turnbuckle and... he's taking a moment to get the
crowd to clap along with him.

WILLIS:  Getting their approval isn't gonna win him this match!!

SHAMUS:  he does seem to get some encouragement from it, Mike, as the
fans are definitely behind him.  Del Rio is slowly getting back to his
feet as O'Meara propels himself off the top rope... ow!  O'Meara tried
for a flying clothesline but Del Rio ducked it and the "Fightin'
Irishman" crashes down to the canvas with a tremendous impact!

WILLIS:  What a maroon!!

SHAMUS:  O'Meara is stunned by that hard fall but Del Rio is too
battered to capitalize on it as he slumps into the corner to catch his
breath.  A lot of high-impact moves from both men and it's taken its
toll on the two of them.  Del Rio is the first to recover and he pulls
O'Meara to his feet.  He sends O'Meara into the turnbuckle with an Irish
whip... no, O'Meara reverses it and "The Ultimate Male" takes more
punishment to his lower back as he hits the turnbuckle.  But he recovers
quickly as he comes back out of the corner and rocks O'Meara with a kick
to the midsection.

WILLIS:  Protect your back, Chris!  That's his target!!

SHAMUS:  A wild swing by Del Rio but O'Meara ducks it, does a
go-behind... and takes him down with a belly-to-back suplex!  Both men a
little slow in rolling back to their feet but O'Meara rushes forward and
takes Del Rio down with a running clothesline.  He makes a pin and
here's Ed Harris: one, two, kickout.  Del Rio still down on the mat as
O'Meara climbs up in the corner.  He waits for Del Rio to struggle to
his feet... and nails him with that flying Tomahawk he calls "The Noggin

WILLIS:  Get out of there, homie!  Take a break!!

SHAMUS:  A see-saw battle that has swung in O'Meara's favour once more
as he stomps his foot and claps his hands, getting the audience to clap
along with him.  O'Meara grabs Del Rio and attempts a fisherman
suplex... no!  Del Rio counters with a small package and he's got a
pin!  Ed Harris counts: one, two, thre... shoulder up in the nick of

WILLIS:  That's my homie!  Always thinkin'!!

SHAMUS:  Del Rio grabs O'Meara in a side headlock... and blinds him with
a ropeburn!  Del Rio looking a little angry as he whips O'Meara into the
ropes and smacks him with a clothesline on the way back.  O'Meara still
on his feet as Del Rio runs into the ropes and knocks him down with a
flying clothesline.  O'Meara back up quickly... oh!  This time Del Rio
nails it as he takes O'Meara down with a *** superkick!  Del Rio with
a resurgence of energy as he picks the "Fightin' Irishman" up and
smashes his tailbone with an inverted atomic drop.  Del Rio hits him
with a double-axehandle chop across the back but O'Meara doesn't budge.
Del Rio spins him around, doubles him over with a kick and... heaves him
up and over with a belly-to-belly suplex.  O'Meara's shoulders are down
and here's the count: one, two, three!

[ding ding ding]

SORBAY:  Here is your winner, in four*** minutes and forty-seven

WILLIS:  Yeah!!  That's the way to do it!

SHAMUS:  An arduous struggle between these two superstars as O'Meara
gave it everything he had but came up short.

WILLIS:  A what kind of struggle?!?

SHAMUS:  An arduous one.  You know, arduous?  As in difficult?

WILLIS:  It was a tough fight!!

SHAMUS:  That's what I said!

WILLIS:  Yeah well my man, "The Ultimate Male" came through in the end!!

SHAMUS:  That he did.  O'Meara has a lot of heart but I think Del Rio
had the edge when it came to knowledge and experience.  Before we move
on to our next match, Julie Garneau is standing by with an interview
with the man who'll face "Sugar" Blair later tonight.  Julie?

(The camera swings over to the interview stand set up just inside the
arena entrance where Julie Garneau is standing, svelte and *** in a
black and white pantsuit.  Beside her are Joey Johnson, his hulking
brother Jacob and their manager, Big Sal.  A long, drawn-out wolf
whistle causes Julie to smile before she begins speaking with her
trademark soft French accent.)

GARNEAU:  `Allo, everyone.  I'm `ere wit' Big Sal and The Well-Oiled
Machine, Joey and Jacob Johnson.  Joey, you `ave definitely seen a real
change of attitude as of late.

(Before Joey can speak, Big Sal interrupts him.)

BIG SAL:  Yeah, that's right.  He has had a bit of a change of
attitude.  A BIG change of attitude.  He knows now that he is more than
just another Joe Schmoe in the CIWF.  This guy knows what he is doing.
He's a real mat champion.

GARNEAU:  Recently, word `as it dat you had accepted and made a number
of challenges.  Do you care to comment on this?

BIG SAL:  Yes, Joey Johnson would like to get in the ring with the
following: Sidewalk, the Common Powers, The Wild Cards, Goliath, Lord
Mikhail Romanov, "Thriller" Scott Miller, Kaos, and Loc Dogg.  I know
that's a lot of names, so some of you slower boys out there may have to
write those down.

GARNEAU:  What do you `tink about your opponent tonight, "Sugar" Blair?

(Again, Joey tries to say something but is cut off by Big Sal.)

BIG SAL:  Yeah. "Sugar" Blair, we do have a match with you.  I've got a
feeling this match is going to be a bitter-sweet victory us.  Bitter for
you, and sweet for us.  Now, we got nothing against you, or the Canadian
Firm, but, when you and my boy step inside the ropes, all that respect
is out the window.  We wish you the best of luck, but, even that won't
help you out when Joey gets his hands on you.  This interview is over.

(Joey looks a little surprised as Big Sal ushers him and Jacob off of
the interview stand.  Julie turns to face the camera.)

GARNEAU:  An interesting about-face by Joey Johnson.  Back to you, Don.

(The camera swings back to Shamus and Willis at ringside.)

SHAMUS:  Thank you, Julie.  And while we heard those words from Joey
Johnson, our crew was quickly setting up the steel cage for our next
match.  Coming right up, a real clash of headliners, so to speak.

WILLIS:  If you're referring to The American Superstar... you're right!!

SORBAY:  This next contest is a tag team match to be wrestled inside a
steel cage.  Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Lisa Hoselton
and "The British Brawler" Martyn Williams, weighing in at a total
combined weight of 490 pounds, the team of World Heavyweight Champion
Jeff Gunn and "The Rookie" Jamie Williams..... THE COMMON POWERS!

("Livin' on a Prayer" by BON JOVI begins playing over the P.A. system as
Gunn and Williams step through the curtains to a rousing cheer.  Jeff
Gunn is wearing his World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist
and looks a little more serious than his tag team partner.  Martyn
Williams and Lisa Hoselton both step out behind them and the foursome
smiles and waves at the crowd as they walk to the ring.)

SHAMUS:  The Common Powers coming off a win against The Gangster Posse
last week as I think theyre really starting to gel as a tag team!

WILLIS:  Hmph!  Smart-aleck chumps!!  My homies never would have lost
that match if the ref hadnt been so biased!

SHAMUS:  Ah yes, and youre as objective as ever, eh, Mike?

WILLIS:  Of course!!

SORBAY:  And their opponents, at a total combined weight of 581 pounds,
the team of Sidewalk and Onslaught..... SUPERSTAR COMPANY!

("God Bless America" begins playing over the P.A. system Onslaught and
Sidewalk step through the curtains, wearing "SIDEWALK FOR CHAMPION"
T-shirts and carrying signs which read "SIDEWALK FOR CHAMPION".  The
crowd boos loudly as the two parade down to the ring.)

SHAMUS:  Sidewalk used to think his Cruiserweight title was a
heavyweight belt and now he thinks hes running for office!

WILLIS:  Hes The American Superstar!  He can think whatever he wants!!

SHAMUS:  All four men now getting into the cage as the door is closed
behind them.  It looks like "The Rookie" and Sidewalk will be starting
out for their respective teams as there goes the bell.  They lock up and
Sidewalk goes for a bodyslam but Williams blocks it.  Williams grabs him
by the head and nails him with a DDT!  What a move by "The Rookie" as
he goes for the pin and heres Ed Harris with the count: one, two,

WILLIS:  Beginners mistake!  He didnt hook the leg!!

SHAMUS:  Jamie Williams almost scoring a quick pinfall right there as he
pulls Sidewalk to his feet and sends him into the ropes, no, reversal by
Sidewalk.  Williams bounces back and wow!  Sidewalk uses his momentum
to hoist him up high overhead and hes got "The Rookie" in a Gorilla
Press.  And down he goes to the canvas with a mighty slam.  Sidewalk
taking a moment to strut and the fans boo him loudly.  Williams rolling
to his feet and Sidewalk scoops him up and takes him down with a
bodyslam.  Williams holding his back in a bit of pain as Sidewalk yanks
him upright and sends him into the ropes with an Irish whip.  Sidewalk
hits Williams with an elbow to the jaw when he bounces back and shoves
him face-first into his own corner.

WILLIS:  You said The Common Powers were starting to come together as a
tag team but what about Superstar Company?!?

SHAMUS:  Uh, Mike?  They lost against Totally Terrific last week,

WILLIS:  Thats not the point!  Onslaught is really coming along as a
wrestler under Sidewalks tutoring!!

SHAMUS:  Well get the chance to find out as Sidewalk tags in
Onslaught.  Both members of Superstar Company are in the ring as
Onslaught and Sidewalk each grab an arm and whip Williams into the
ropes.  They try to hit him with a double clothesline on the way back
but he ducks it and continues to the opposite side.  Onslaught and
Sidewalk turn around and Williams hits them with a double clothesline!
Sidewalk goes down but Onslaught is still on his feet.  Sidewalk rolls
out underneath the bottom rope as Williams attempts a dropkick but
Onslaught steps out of the way.

WILLIS:  Rookie mistakes again!  This kid has a *LONG* way to go before
hell make it!!

SHAMUS:  Not true, Mike.  Remember, hes the only man in the CIWF other
than The Kabuki Kid whos currently undefeated in singles competition.
Meanwhile, Onslaught picks him up, cradling Williams in his arms.  The
big man charges toward the side of the ring ooh!  And he crushes Jamie
Williams into the steel bars of the cage!  He just rammed his back right
into the bars and Williams looks hurt!

WILLIS:  Thats what cage matches are all about!  Use it as a weapon!!

SHAMUS:  Superstar Company has effectively cut the ring in half as Jeff
Gunn is leaning over the top rope, desperately trying to get a tag.  But
Onslaught maintains control as he picks up Williams around the waist
and flips him up and over with a gutwrench suplex.  Sidewalk enters the
ring to make it two-on-one and here comes Jeff Gunn.  But the ref cuts
him off as Onslaught and Sidewalk whip Williams into the ropes and
clobber him with a double clothesline!  Ed Harris now forcing Sidewalk
to step out onto the apron but the damage has been done.  Williams is in
trouble as whats this?

WILLIS:  Onslaught is climbing the cage!!

SHAMUS:  Gunn rushes over and was about to go drag him down but
Onslaught has turned around as I dont think hes trying to get out.  Ed
Harris forces Gunn to step out between the ropes as Onslaught is perched
high above the ring, waiting for Williams to get up.  Holy cow!

WILLIS:  Air Onslaught!!

SHAMUS:  Who would have believed it?  Onslaught launches himself into
the air from about fif*** or twenty feet and nails Jamie Williams with
an incredible flying bodypress!  Williams was just mashed beneath him
and Ed Harris makes the count: one, two, thre shoulder up!

WILLIS:  Unbelievable!!

SHAMUS:  Jamie Williams showing some tremendous fighting spirit as he
manages to avoid the pin after that devastating move.  Sidewalk is
yelling at Onslaught, giving him instructions as the big man pulls
Williams to his feet and he nails him with The Onslaughtbomb!  Jeff
Gunn rushes in to make the save but Sidewalk is there to wrap him up in
the side of the ring.  Onslaught makes the pin as Ed Harris counts: one,
two, three!

[ding ding ding]

SORBAY:  Here are your winners, in two minutes and six seconds.....

WILLIS:  All right!!

SHAMUS:  A disappointing loss for The Common Powers as Superstar Company
kept "The Rookie" in the ring for the entire match.

WILLIS:  Check this out!  Its Foxxy!!

(The camera swings over to the aisle where Foxxy has appeared dressed in
a tight black top and jeans.)

SHAMUS:  I wonder what shes here for?

WILLIS:  Mmmm-momma!  Who cares!!  I just like lookin at her!

SHAMUS:  Uh oh!  Jeff Gunn is still tied up in the cage, arguing with
Sidewalk as Foxxy makes her way over to the timekeepers table and
shes got the World Heavyweight title belt!

WILLIS:  This is Shaolins idea, Ill bet!!

SHAMUS:  Foxxy trying to walk away with the World title belt and Jeff
Gunn finally sees her and makes his way out of the cage.  Foxxy is
intercepted, however, as members of The Swarm intervene and block her
path.  Jeff Gunn is able to catch up with her now and The Swarm has
taken the belt away from her.

WILLIS:  Bah!  They move awful fast for Jeff Gunns sake, dont they?!?

SHAMUS:  Foxxy now being escorted away from the ringside area oh!  One
of the members of The Swarm just nailed Jeff Gunn in the head with his
title belt as he was reaching for it!

WILLIS:  Look at this!  He was wearing a wig!!  Its Shaolin!

SHAMUS:  Oh no!  This was a set-up all along!  Shaolin was disguised as
one of the members of The Swarm and as Jeff Gunn reached for his belt,
Shaolin had pulled a switch and handed him the one that hes been saying
is the real one.  Before Gunn could realize it was the wrong belt,
Shaolin smashed him across the head with the real belt and Gunn went
down hard!

WILLIS:  Hee hee hee!  I dont like Shaolin but that was a great
stunt!!  He caught everyone off guard!  Jeff Gunn, The Swarm,

SHAMUS:  Shaolin has grabbed both belts and is now making a mad dash for
the backstage area as some of the real members of The Swarm take off in
hot pursuit.  What a depraved plot!  If Shaolin is the #1 contender at
Hamilton Heatwave, were going to see a war between those two!

WILLIS:  As I said, my homies have some major problems with Shaolin but
at least hed be a slight improvement over that chump Jeff Gunn as World