SSC: Alright, well, our next match is going to be Clifton taking on a
mystery opponent, let's get down to the ring right away and see just
what kind of fight Clifton is in for.
(Don't Forget About Me by Simple Minds begins to play as Burt Clifton
walks out from the back. The crowd is cheering as Burt gets into the
ring and waits for his mystery opponent to reveal himself.)
MC: Look, if it's some sort of joke I don't want to hear it.
MC: Because your jokes suck.
SSC: It's really funny. It's got a horse in it.
MC: (Sighs) Fine!
SSC: A horse walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Hey why the long
MC: I hope this mystery opponent is a hitman. I'd like to ask him to
take you out.
SSC: You're just to slow to get it.
RV: Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. Time has come. Burt Clifton,
against a mystery surprise! Introducing first, coming from Racine,
Wisconsin! BURT CLIFTONNNN!!!!
(The crowd cheers)
RV: And, the mystery opponent.............
(The lights go out. The crowd is stiring with e***ment.)
MC: It's really black Steve.
SSC: That you, professor obvious. Why don't you go down town and solve
a few crimes while I work for both of us.
MC: Would I still get paid?
SSC: Who is it going to be? Dean McGrath? Christian Holmes?
MC: Martha Stewart?
SSC: It was one nightmare ok?
MC: Wet nightmare.
(A grey spot light lights up. Everythign is visually black and white.
Slowly, the sound of music can be picked up. As more and more fans
start to realize the band of the music, and the actualy song that is
being played, little by little the comotion gets louder.)
SSC: That sounds odly like.
MC: Dude, everyone has already gotten it.
(It's now obvious that Harvester of Sorrow by Metallica is playing.
That can mean only one man is on his way out. HoS is the mystery
opponent! He enters the ring as the music is nearing it's end. The
lights come back up and we've got this one starting before HoS could be
introduced. They are going at it with lefts and rights. Clifton hits
the ropes and tried to take HoS down with a shoulder block, but he is
bumped off. They try it again and once more they only collide and no
one goes anywhere. For a third time Clifton hits the ropes, but HoS
side steps him, and uses Clifton's momentum to send him up and voer the
ropes on the other side and out of the ring.)
SSC: Already this match is on.
MC: So Harvester of Sorrow, hey this happened to Burt once before
didn't it? HoS was Burt's surprise mystery opponent once before for
another fed up in Boston.
SSC: Oh so all of the sudden you want to be Sgt. Serious.
(HoS follows Clifton out of the ring. HoS is quick to grab a chair and
begin to stalk Burt as Burt stumbles around the ring a little
disoriented. As Clifton turns, he gets his head smashed with a chair.
HoS tosses it into the ring and then levels Burt with a clothesline. He
pulls Clifton up to his feet and sends him into the announcers table.
Clifton tries to fight HoS off, but ends up getting a water pitcher
first dumped on him and second used as a weapon against him. HoS and
Clifton begin to fight their way back to the ring.)
MC: Oh I get it now! Why the long face!
SSC: That was expensive water that I didn't pay for yet!
MC: You're still got a few drops in that glass of yours.
SSC: Some how I was expecting mroe of a wrestling match....until we
found out it was HoS.
MC: Yeah, but what are you gonna do? (Fake laugh) Long face.
(HoS sends Clifton into the ring and follows after him. He sends lifton
into the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. HoS picks
up one of Clifton's legs and drops an arm on his knee. He repeats the
process three more times, each time Burt's face is etched with pain a
SSC: That is a lot of weight falling on your knee like that.
MC: How is Burt ever to reproduce again?
SSC: What does the condition of your knees have to do with reproducing?
MC: If you could reproduce, you'd know.
(HoS pulls Burt to his feet, only to lift him up in a military press.
He holds him for a few minutes, and then motions like he's going to
drop him outside the ring. But the ref gets in his way waving his arms
and throwing out various threats. HoS turns and begins to walk towards
the other side of the ring, still holding Burt high up, but the ref
quickly blocks him on that side as well. Out of frustration, HoS lets
Burt fall behind him and begins to argue with the ref.)
MC: Did you see the way HoS just dropped Burt like a sack of potatoes?
This place is a barrel of fun tonight! I love PPV night!!!
(Burt is slightly moving around on the ground. HoS once more on the
attack, lifts Burt up, hooks him up, and delivers a release German
suplex. Burt is just out at this point. HoS goes to make the cover,
1...2..KICKOUT!!! The crowd is shocked and e***d at the same moment.)
SSC: He kicked out!
MC: Duh, Or else the bell would ring.
(HoS goes over to where he left that chair he used earlier. Burt,
slowly getting to his knees, HoS smashes Burt with it. Burt sways back
and forth. HoS hits him again, only making his sway faster, and his
eyes a little more glazed. A third shot, and this time Burt falls
forward, possibly dead. HoS places the chair over the back of Burt's
head and proceeds to climb the nearby turnbuckle. Up to the top, the
almost seven footer leaps, dropping his massive leag across the chair.
Burt's body twitches a few times, then nothing, he's motionless. HoS
rollshim over, and covers him, 1...2...3 NO! Burt has kicked out!)
SSC: My God!
MC: No one can dish out punishment like HoS.
SSC: I wouldn't want to challenge that statement.
(HoS now picking Burt up. He lifts him once more. He holds him high in
the air in a military press, what a display of strength. But Burt looks
to be fighting it. Burt has gotten out of it, and has a hold of an arm.
He holds onto that arm, and takes HoS down with a short arm
clothesline. The crowd is really behind Burt right now. HoS however
hasn't been taking a beating as long as Burt has, and is quick to his
feet. With a kick to Burt's gut. He brings Burt's head between his
legs, and lifts for a powerbomb. But Burt is hammering away with wild
lefts and rights. He brigns him down with a huricanrana. The crowd is
really going now, Burt is up to his feet with the help of the ropes,
and looks to be getting ready for that Back Brain Kick. HoS is up to
his feet, his back to Burt, and he's down once again via Burt's
powerful kick. Clifton wi! th the cover, 1...2...3!!)
SSC: How did he do that?
MC: He lifted his leg and forcefully extended it towards the head of
SSC: You're an idiot.
SSC: Clifton has to be riding high now with a big win over HoS. It
seems the best laid plans sometimes go awry, Clifton proved that here
tonight. He pulled out a great win.
MC: Damn that guy. I lose more money on his matches....
SSC: Riiight, our next match is going to be a great one, if not a
candidate for match of the year. Tables and ladders, what more do ya
SSC: Let's get down to the ring for this tag team title match.
RV: This match is for the SEWF World Tag Team Titles. Out first will be
the challengers. They showed up on the SEWF scene just weeks ago and
have set their sights on the tag titles already. They look to grab some
gold and beat some ass here tonight. Here they are, CALIFORNIA
(The fans start booing as the music starts. Suddenly, the music stops
and a rap beat starts up.)
LANE: Nah Na Na, Nah Na Na, Nah Nah Na Na Na Na..
FALKEN: La da dada We like to party, La da dada We like to party, La da
dada We like to party..
LANE: Cali Love is going up..
FALKEN: and the Jet Planes are going down.....
LANE: Indianapolis, Indiana... are you ready for the biggest present to
your town since the Colts moved here?
FALKEN: Are you ready for the biggest heartbreak since you realized
that the Colts just moved to your town?
LANE: Humble inbred hicks of Indianapolis, introducing your next tag
team champions of the World..
FALKEN: Seennnnnnnnsatiiiiiioooooonaaaaaaalll Shaaaaaaaaaaaawnnn
LANE: Faaaaaabulous Roooooooobbbb Faaaaaallllllllkeeeeeenn...
FALKEN: the object of this game is simple, turn Kray and Jarhead into
our personal pinballs.
LANE: For we are the Pinball Wizards, we are the children of the corn
and no matter what the score was, USC still whupped Notre Dame.
FALKEN: So, RCA Dome, prepare to become the Cali Love Dome and prepare
to see a implosion.. of the reign of Error of the Jet Planes.
(California Love goes to a corner.)
RV: Their opponents are the current SEWF World Tag Team Champions. They
look to continue their brilliant run with the titles by securing a
victory here tonight, tables and ladders be damned. Here they are, KZM
and JARRED MATTHEWS, the FLAMING JET PLAAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!!!!
SSC: Well, we're ready to get underway.
MC: Keep in mind that until it's ready for use, the ladder is
inconveniently located right there outside the ring.
SSC: And we have four tables around the ring, with more under it.
MC: It's good to be in SEWF.
(Falken and Lane run in and charge at Flaming Jet Planes. The two teams
begin trading punches with each other. Falken whips KZM into the ropes,
knocking him out of the ring with a dropkick. Matthews strikes Lane
with some stiff martial arts kicks. Falken surprises him from behind,
with a German suplex. Matthews backflips out of it. Falken ducks, and
Lane jumps onto Falken's back, then at Matthews with a dropkick,
sending him to the outside as well.)
SSC: Some great teamwork here.
(Matthews and KZM are both on the apron, as California Love approaches
them. Both members of Flaming Jet Planes leap onto the top rope, and
springboard towards California Love. KZM with a springboard lariat,
Matthews with a missile dropkick.)
MC: Both of these teams love to take to the air...
(California Love roll out of the ring. As they stand back up, Flaming
Jet Planes runs at the ropes. Matthews does a cartwheel, and backflips
over the top rope, landing on Falken. KZM leaps to the top rope, and
dives at Lane with a spaceman plancha.)
(The crowd cheers, as Flaming Jet Planes get back to their feet. Falken
rolls back into the ring. KZM grabs the ladder... AND THROWS IT IN THE
SSC: He just hit Falken with that ladder!
(Lane sweeps Matthews' feet from under him. He hits with a swinging
neckbreaker on the concrete. KZM is up on the apron, climbs to the top
turnbuckle, and dives at Lane with a moonsault. Lane catches him, and
tries to Tombstone him on the concrete. KZM reverses the momentum,
falling backward, and attempts to tombstone Lane. Lane however,
reverses this attempt with a headscissor takedown.)
SSC: What intense action...
(Falken's back up in the ring, and he's setting up the ladder. As
Matthews is starting to regain his senses on the concrete, Lane
bodyslams KZM on the table. Falken climbs to the middle of the ladder,
just as Matthews gets to the apron. Seeing Matthews about to reach the
ladder, Falken jumps from the ladder.)
SSC: OH MY GOD!
MC: Huh, wha?
SSC: Falken just gave Mofo a FROG SPLASH from the ladder to the
outside, through a table!
(The crowd goes nuts. Lane follows this up with a standing moonsault.
Lane then climbs into the ring, and moves the ladder to the center.
Matthews, taking advantage of Falken being down still from the frog
splash, nails Falken with a spinning heel kick. Matthews then looks up
to see Lane starting up the ladder. He quickly scrambles to the apron,
climbs to the top turnbuckle, and with Lane about two feet from the
SSC: MATTHEWS DROPKICKS THE LADDER!
(The ladder starts teetering... tottering... and falls over, dumping
Lane over the top rope, and crashing through a table.)
SSC: These four men are going to kill themselves....
MC: That would REEK of AWESOMENESS!
(Matthews himself has righted the ladder, and starts up it, but now
Falken's back up. He slides into the ring, and climbs up behind
Matthews. He reaches Matthews, before Matthews gets up very far. He
pulls him down a few rungs, and this time Falken hooks Matthews around
the waist, and drives him from the ladder to the mat with a German
suplex. Falken quickly gets back up.)
(Falken now begins climbing the ladder, but Mofo, holding a chair he
picked up, uses the chair, and strikes the cross-hinge holding the
ladder upright. Falken looks down in helpless horror, as Mofo uses the
chair to close the other one. Mofo pushes the ladder shut, causing it
to lose its balance, dropping Falken onto the top turnbuckle.)
SSC: All four of them are going to end up cripples.
MC: One can only hope.
(Matthews and KZM high-five, and then open the ladder--- but now one of
the hinges is broken. KZM holds the ladder to keep it steady, as
Matthews starts up it. Lane is back up, with a steel chair. He starts
to get into the ring with it, but KZM lets go of the ladder, almost
instinctively, to reach for Lane. Lane slams the chair into the face of
KZM. Matthews, looking down from the ladder to the outside of the ring,
sees Lane holding the chair.)
SSC: LADDER JM-ASSACRE TO THE OUTSIDE!
(Matthews leaps off the ladder to the outside, kicking the chair
directly into Lane's face. Lane falls backward. As Matthews leaps, the
ladder falls backward. Falken sees KZM starting to get back up, and
gives KZM a hurricanrana, flinging him backward into the ladder. Both
hinges are now broken on the ladder, and it rests in two seperate
pieces, as Matthews slides a second ladder into the ring..)
MC: If the ladder's broke, what are they gonna do now?
(KZM gets up, and hits Falken with half of the broken ladder, knocking
him from the ring. Matthews picks up the other half, and throws it down
onto the fallen Lane. Matthews and KZM set up the ladder, and look up
at the belts*** above. They high-five, as California Love are
still struggling on the outside..)
SSC: This is looking dangerous.
MC: California Love is trying to get back up...
(KZM and Matthews start up the ladder on opposite sides. Falken gets up
first, being the least injured of the two. KZM sees this, and turns
around back-to the ladder, with Matthews still climbing. KZM DIVES!)
SSC: LADDER BODYBLOCK TO FALKEN ON THE FLOOR!
(Matthews continues climbing up, as Lane rolls into the ring.)
MC: He's almost there.
(Matthews reaches the top, and grabs the belt, just as Lane knocks the
ladder over. Problem being...)
SSC: The belt didn't come off!
(Matthews is now*** from the belt, 15 feet above the ring....)
(And there goes the cable that was holding the belt to the ceiling.)
SSC: DEAR GOD!
MC: HOLY CRAP!
SSC: JARRED MATTHEWS JUST FELL 15 FEET WITH THAT TAG TITLE BELT!
RV: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners... Flaming Jet Planes!
SSC: Well, the Jet Planes win, but by God... what a price.
(Lane is pissed, but goes to the outside to help Falken up. They start
to the dressing room. KZM is checking on Matthews. Suddenly...)
SSC: Hey, wait, someone's coming out of the crowd.
MC: They've got chairs... that's... that's...
SSC: It couldn't be!
MC: Critics said that SEWF may never see either of these two again, but
now they're climbing the guardrail as KZM's tending to Matthews!
SSC: KENNETH MORLOCK AND "BOMBER" BILLY THOMPSON HAVE ARRIVED IN THE
(Morlock plasters Mofo in the back of the head with the chair. Thompson
pulls Mofo up, and puts him in a piledriver position. Morlock from the
second rope pushes the feet of KZM down.)
MC: SPIKE PILEDRIVER!
SSC: COME ON! These two men are too tired to even fight back!
(Morlock then grabs Matthews up, as Thompson climbs to the second rope.
Morlock picks him up for an implant DDT, as Thompson pushes the feet
down on that.)
MC: SPIKE IMPLANT DDT!
SSC: THIS ISN'T FAIR DAMMIT!
MC: And with that, Morlock and Thompson... are leaving?
SSC: These two guys from SEWF's history have just completely laid out
the tag team champions.
MC: Morlock is here, awesome!
SSC: Well, in dramatic fashion, the Jet Planes retain those belts. What
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