Brilliant segment from Stephen Colbert last night that just laid waste
to all the Republican cries of "class warfare" with Obama's plan to
raise taxes on millionaires, with Stephen providing his own unique
solution to the problem.
And demonizing the wealthy is not what our economy needs. Just ask
GOP economist guru Paul Ryan.
REP. PAUL RYAN, R-WI (9/18/2011): If you tax something more, Chris,
you get less of it. If you tax job creators more, you get less job
Yes, job creators like me need low taxes so we can continue to create
jobs. Just look at history. In 1995, the effective tax rate paid by
millionaires was 30.4%. By 2009, it had dropped to 22.4%. And over
that same period, unemployment plummeted from 5.6% all the way down to
But folks, I promise, there is more jobs coming. Just be patient. We
job creators are like a slot machine. If you just keep pumping in tax
cuts, eventually we're gonna pay off. You can't quit now, you've got
us all warmed up.
But the most frightening aspect of Obama's plan is that it might be
popular. A recent CNN poll shows that 63% of people think taxes
should be raised on high-income Americans and corporations. That is
ridiculous! If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will
they have to make money, other than the fact that it's the sole reason
Folks, if we don't find someone to pay the government's tab soon,
Congress may get desperate enough to do the unthinkable: what the
majority wants. (Bacon On Everything!) Fortunately, the Republicans
have another way.
JOHN BOEHNER (7/11/2011): ... let's grow the economy and create jobs,
broaden the tax base ...
REP. PAUL RYAN, R-WI (4/3/2011): We need to lower tax rates for
corporations and individuals, and broaden the tax base.
JON HUNTSMAN (9/8/2011): ... we've got to broaden the base ...
MICHELE BACHMANN (7/19/2011): We need to broaden the base so that
everybody pays something, even if it's a dollar.
Yes, we need to broaden the base. Right now, our economy is balanced
on such a tiny base, that every time Wall Street pours our money into
an elaborate scheme based on the inability of poor people to pay their
mortgages, it collapses! (Jenga-nomics)
So, the question is, folks, how do we broaden it? (Take It To The
Cheesecake Factory) Well, luckily, America is sitting on vast fields
of untapped revenue.
RICK PERRY (8/13/2011): We're dismayed at the injustice that nearly
half of all Americans don't even pay any income tax.
MITT ROMNEY (8/11/2011): Half the people in this country pay no income
MICHELE BACHMANN (7/19/2011): 47% pay nothing ... Everyone should pay
something because we all benefit.
Michele Bachmann is right. Everyone needs to contribute, because we
all benefit from the government programs she has promised to eliminate
on Day 1. (Day 2: Blink)
So, just how do these freeloaders dodge federal income taxes? Well,
it turns out half of them don't pay simply because they make less than
$20,000 a year. That's right. They are living the good life in their
cushy jobs as fry cooks, Walmart greeters, and slaughterhouse floor
grate de-brainers. "Oh look at me, I have my own apron!"
And before you cry for the poor, remember, 90% of soup kitchens
reported increased demand over the last year. That's right. The so-
called "poor" have special kitchens just for soup! So save your
tears, folks. (Makes Excellent Soup Stock)
And it's not just low-income workers, because over 20% of these Mooch-
Americans are elderly people enjoying tax-free Social Security
benefits, money they use to fuel their decadent lifestyles sitting
around the house taking *** all day. (Getting Their Plavix On!)
And I believe that we cannot stop at the elderly and the working
poor. We must also tax everyone who's found the ultimate loophole in
our income tax code: having no income. Just because you're one of the
16.6 million unemployed Americans doesn't mean you can't pull your
weight. That's why God gave you two kidneys. (Cry Me A Liver)
And those who say, oh you're going to tax the poor to death, I say
death is no excuse for not paying their share. (Can't Worm Your Way
Out Of It) I mean, just think of these lazy bones lying on their
backs all day in their fancy satin boxes. Hey, I don't know about
you, but my bed doesn't have a lid. (But Does Have Racecar Wheels)
So folks, let's not just broaden the tax base. I say, we need to
deepen the tax base. And let's force these Cadaverican-Americans to
pay, in the forms of rings, watches, and whatever else we can pry from
their cold dead hands. (Leave The Guns!) That is not grave robbing.
It's grave sharing. Because to solve the deficit, we have no choice
but to tax the working poor, the non-working poor, and the non-living
poor. Otherwise we might have to consider raising taxes on the
wealthy. (Over Their Dead Bodies)
And that's the W?rd. We'll be right back.