Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream of Even More Good Wrestling, Handshakes,
RVD Gets Thumbed Bye-Bye and Another Episode Of McMahon Mystery
We start with Mr. McMahon, with his ECW belt, trying to out-homie John
Cena backstage. Cena calls him a stooge in do-rag. Shawn Michaels
interrupts and the crowd chants HBK. He says Cena was lucky last night
and he wants a title shot. Cena, as always, wants to give it to him.
McMahon says they don't make the decisions - the ECW champion does. He
then made some matches with either Cena or Michaels or both. I
couldn't make heads or tails of it and I watched it twice.
First up: Edge faces Randy Orton. Maybe they'll go two hours to outdo
Michaels and Cena. Watching Orton walk up the ramp is turning into a
science of its own. They do make it to the first commercial break
without a finish. Orton takes a back spear from the apron to the
This is a good match that the crowd is really into. Orton juices from
the Snake eyes into an exposed turnbuckle. This has a bunch of good
near falls including Orton kicking out of Impaler DDT from Edge. Edge
finally wins clean with a spear. This goes almost twenty minutes.
Orton helped himself here.
The last eight days have had some really good wrestling matches from
Jim Ross says we're getting Cena-Shawn Michaels III tonight. I guess
he'd know. There's the promo sign. I'd be surprised if we really get
it. I'll put it another way. I don't get giving this one away again.
Even when TNA burned through Samoa Joe-Kurt Angle, they put the
matches on pay-per-view.
A commercial airs demonstrating people with real jobs who watch Raw.
The ECW Originals will confront the new ECW Champion tomorrow night.
Todd Grisham interviews Santino Morella, the new IC champion. He does
a way-old-school humble, young ethnic babyface routine.
Rob Van Dam does a shoot/work promo on Mr. McMahon, new ECW Champion.
He calls it a day of loss for the original spirit of ECW. He's facing
Umaga tonight. It doesn't matter. RVD is, as the Eagles sang, already
Mr. McMahon thanks his son, Shane, for last night. Shane then tells
him he loves him and hugs his daddy. Dad lets him hold the belt.
Edge is angry even though he won his match. He's mad because Michaels
got another title match. He promises to insert himself into the title
match whether we like it or not.
Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch are on commentary, while Jeff Hardy
wrestles. Murdoch and Cade are good sports about their loss, which
means Jeff is about to take a beating. Hardy faces (Whatever Happened
To?) Johnny Nitro. No Melina and no Matt. "When you've beaten Cade and
Murdoch, you've done something," they say. Yeah, wrestle on a WWE
show. Hardy wins a good match with a Swanton bomb. Cade and Murdoch
lead the cheers.
They want to shake his hand. Jerry Lawler doesn't buy it, and neither
does Hardy, who walks out without shaking their hands. Yes, in today's
society you're a heel if you shake hands and a face if you don't.
Darn. No beat-down. Maybe next week.
Shane McMahon comes out. He introduces Umaga for his match against Rob
Van Dam. This should be interesting. Umaga needs a win. RVD is
leaving, at least this week. RVD should win to set up a match with the
new ECW champion, particularly since Bobby Lashley needs shoulder
This turns into another good match.
Oh man, RVD is definitely on his way out. RVD hits the five star frog
splash, but Umaga catches him by the throat while prone on the mat,
stands RVD up, slams his thumb in Van Dam's throat, and pins him.
Carlito apologizes to Ric Flair for yelling at him in Spanish last
week. Carlito says he's arranged a match with them vs. Shelton
Benjamin & Charlie Haas. If they're not successful they'll go their
separate ways. Oh, now we'll get a beat down.
I hate this program, even if the fans in France that gave Flair a
several-minute standing ovation don't.
Shawn Michaels faces John Cena, and if he wins, he gets another title
match next week. Cut to the back and Michaels is out cold against the
wall. This is one time when I think a bait and switch is the right
Actually, they shouldn't have booked themselves into this in the first
place, even if they try to rationalize that fans saw sixty minutes for
free last week.
Coach accuses Cena of doing it, then Cena yanks him against the wall.
Mr. McMahon demands that Coach find out who did this. He wants HBK in
the ring no matter what shape he's in or how much damage he did to
that hotel room.
Carlito & Ric Flair face Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas. This isn't
bad. Flair and Carlito clear the ring, Flair struts, and Carlito jumps
him. He beats up Flair until the cagey veteran eye-rakes him. Carlito
goes out of the ring. Flair jumps him, gets him down, and throws
punches. They do this again, then Carlito escapes with his own eye-
rake. This isn't exactly set up to get Carlito up and running again.
Edge is knocked out in his locker room. It's like a CSI mystery,
except no science.
Another Condemned video package airs. Poor Stone Cold.
Mr. Kennedy says he didn't kill Edge or Michaels. He makes some OJ
jokes. He doesn't need to do that because he has the Money in the
Bank. He didn't use it last night because he has a burning question
for tonight. "Who wants to see me cash it in tonight?" he asks.
He says he won't do it like Edge. He's starting a count down. He says
he's cashing it in at the next WrestleMania. That actually makes
sense, guarantee yourself a big payday...
Well, we'll see.
Now it's Randy Orton who's out cold. Anyone seen Tully & Arn? Ole?
Coach tells Mr. McMahon he doesn't know who did it. McMahon tells him
to call Cena to the ring and he'll reveal whodunit.
Melina & Victoria face Mickie James & Candice Michelle. Candice pins
Victoria with a roll up.
John Cena is in the ring so Miss Marple - I mean Mr. McMahon - can
tell us who beat up Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, and Edge.
Sandman and Tommy Dreamer whine about Mr. McMahon winning the ECW
Title. Sabu pitches a fit. That dog died months ago.
John Cena demands that whoever did it should come get some.
It was the Great Khali. Well, we got a lot of great wrestling there
for a while. Cena bounces off Khali, then blocks the Baba Chop. He
almost gets him up for an FU, but he collapses. Cena makes a little
comeback, then Khali ***slams him out cold, grabs the belt, and
holds it up a triumph.
Show score: 6.5
This show was a combination of good wrestling and a doghouse roll
call. Things are not on the upswing for Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro,
Carlito, Rob Van Dam, or ECW. The wrestling itself is definitely on an
upswing. Edge-Orton was darn good. Jeff Hardy and Umaga won high
quality squash matches. I thought they'd lost their mind promoting
another Cena-Michaels night on free TV. The McMahon Mystery Theater
may be creative getting cute again, and I guess McMahon watched too
many wrestling matches and got a hankering for some big man badness.