from the 8/1/98 ***SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL***
"Widow Maker" Magnus Colby vs. "Hot Stuff" Alex Martinez
Bruise: Martinez follows up with a kick to the back of Colby... which is
starting to bleed. Colby gets up... Martinez scoops him!
TEMB: Diving spinebuster... RIGHT BACK INTO THE TACKS!
Bruise: Martinez threw himself in there as well! He doesn't care about his
own body... he's here to take out Colby no matter what!
TEMB: Now Martinez pulls Colby up by the goatee! Scoops him to his side...
walks around the ring with him! SIDE SUPLEX INTO THE TACKS!
Bruise: Colby's back has to be getting ripped to shreds! A few rivulets of
*** are forming on it... this is awful!
TEMB: No, awful would imply that it's bad... the fact is, it's not awful...
it's EVIL!!! And that makes it good.
Bruise: Ah. Thank you for clearing that up.
TEMB: Martinez picks Colby up over his shoulder... backs up to the other
corner, where the bricks are...
Bruise: RUNNING POWERSLAM WITH AUTHORITY! INTO THE TACKS! How much more
can one man take?!?
TEMB: You'd be surprised at just how much you can live through!
Bruise: Uh... OK. Now Martinez drags Colby to the barbed wire... HE'S
GRINDING HIS HEAD ON THE MIDDLE STRAND OF WIRE!
TEMB: LOOK AT HIS FACE! ALEX MARTINEZ IS POSSESSED!!!
Bruise: Martinez has the countenance of a madman! An absolute madman! His
eyes are bugging out, and his expression is twisted into absolute glee!!
THIS MAN SHOULD BE COMMITTED!
TEMB: This man should be CHAMPION! You can just see the loathsome evil
dripping from his pores! A fine example for the youth of America!
Bruise: Kyle Kamikaze is back... what happened to Extreme?
TEMB: Maybe the NA took him, tied him to a log, and sent him down a sawmill
chute! That's one of my personal favorite deathtraps!
Bruise: Kamikaze is standing right there, INCHES away from Colby! If he
touches him, he's fired!
TEMB: Martinez now setting Colby's head on the bottom wire... and STEPPING
Bruise: Magnus Colby is just about finished! Martinez... sets him on the
top rope... er.... wire!
TEMB: A highly uncomfortable seating arrangement!
Bruise: Martinez gets up on the second! HE'S POINTING TO THE BRICKS!
Martinez hooks his head... looks like a second rope Death Penalty Slam!
TEMB: NO!!! COLBY SUPERPLEXED HIM!!! TO THE _BARRICADE_!!!
Bruise: WHAT A HIDEOUS MOVE! MARTINEZ NEEDS MEDICAL ATTENTION! What a
TEMB: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!! I want a replay!
Bruise: Too bad. Veronica's over checking on her man... it is within the
legal rights of a manager to check the condition of their wrestler, so that
doesn't constitute interference, so long as the manager's opponent is
TEMB: Colby may be out too... we've got the double-count on, and it's up to
Bruise: COLBY'S UP! WHERE DOES HE GET IT FROM, I THOUGHT HE WAS A GONER!
TEMB: MARTINEZ IS UP! One shot isn't going to take him out! Even though it
WAS an evil shot!
Bruise: Kyle Kamikaze is standing INCHES away from Colby! He looks like
he's going to attack! HE'S GOT A CHAIR! HE SWINGS!!
TEMB: COLBY CALLS HIS BLUFF! Colby didn't flinch, and Kyle pulled up!
Martinez runs at Colby!
Bruise: COLBY SINGLE LEG TAKEDOWN! Martinez falls face first onto the
apron! Magnus rolls Alex in and goes in after him! And speaking of Alexes,
look who's back!
TEMB: Can't they do something about that nettling gadfly Extreme? He
suckerpunches Kamikaze, who had just moved some mats away, and the two men
brawl on the outside!
Bruise: Martinez with a big right hand misses! Colby fires off some
punches! Martinez is missing wildly!
TEMB: I can't believe Colby's out-fighting him! But he is! Colby SLAMS
Martinez... and now "Hot Stuff" is in the tacks!
Bruise: Colby grabs Martinez by his long black ponytail! Whips him into the
wire! Martinez bounces off in pain! Colby rushes him!
TEMB: Boot to the gut by Alex Martinez!! POWERBOMB!!! Powerbomb into the
Bruise: In the meantime, Alex Extreme has been tossed into the crowd by
Kyle! Kyle SETS UP A TABLE! Right where he uncovered the concrete earlier!
TEMB: Martinez with Colby... A SECOND POWERBOMB!!! INTO THE TACKS AGAIN!
Colby's back is red with ***!
Bruise: Kyle... SETS UP A _SECOND_ TABLE!!! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?!
TEMB: I'll tell you what... MARTINEZ BRINGS COLBY OVER TO THAT SIDE OF THE
RING! LOOK OUT BELOW!!!!!
( C R A S H C R A S H B O O M ! )
Bruise: OH MY LORD!
TEMB: THAT WAS _EVIL_!
Bruise: MARTINEZ POWERBOMBED COLBY THROUGH BOTH TABLES TO THE EXPOSED
TEMB: HE'S _DEAD_! DO YOU KNOW WHAT FOLLOWS THREE MARTINEZ POWERBOMBS?!
Bruise: I certainly do! He's CALLING FOR THE FIREBOMB!
TEMB: Kamikaze moves over to Colby's limp, ***y, unmoving carcass...
Extreme with a steel chair to the head of Kamikaze!
Bruise: Martinez hops out there! Throws Colby in the ring through the
wire... cutting him more! Martinez is in the ring...
TEMB: Over the tacks...
Bruise: Picks him up... holds Colby up by the neck, hooks the legs with the
other hand! Going for the chokeslam-powerbomb hybrid!
Bruise: That's it... here comes the 20 count to end it.
TEMB: MARTINEZ PICKS HIM UP!
Bruise: WHY?!? Martinez bends Colby over... not another powerbomb... hey...
DID HE JUST MAKE THE SIGNAL I THOUGHT HE DID?!
TEMB: HE SURE DID!
Bruise: He just signaled for...
TEMB: ___A SOUTHERN COMFORT!___
Bruise: After last week's SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT, you can bet that "No Worries"
Rob Magnum is looking on... MARTINEZ HAS HIM UP!
TEMB: WAY UP! He just yelled Magnum's name at the camera, too! Look at the
sick, demented joy on Alex Martinez' face... as he POSITIONS TOWARD THE
Bruise: SOUTHERN COMFORT INTO THE BRICKS!! NO!!!
TEMB: I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!
Bruise: ___ANNIHILATOR___!!!! COLBY TWISTED AND HIT HIS MOVE! MARTINEZ GOT
A FACE FULL OF BRICK, AND HE'S BUSTED WIDE OPEN!
TEMB: Both men down... it's over! Who could get up from that?
TEMB: COLBY AND MARTINEZ GET UP!
Bruise: Where do they get the strength? These two men, especially Colby,
should be in Intensive Care by now!
TEMB: In the meantime, Alex Extreme and Kyle Kamikaze are exchanging blows
in the aisle!
Bruise: It's been insane! Martinez lunges... Colby ducks! Martinez hits
chest first into the wire! That opened up a gash, and propels him back...
KNEECLIP by Colby! He took Martinez's pins right out! And TJ Smith is back
at ringside... he's got one of the bats... tosses it to Colby!
Bruise: He never touched, attacked, distracted, impeded, or caused a miss on
either man! And besides, Veronica just handed Martinez a chair. Same thing.
TEMB: Martinez swings... block by Colby's bat! Colby swings... block by the
chair of Martinez! Martinez swings again... Colby parries! Colby swings...
it's a feint! OW!!!!
Bruise: MAGNUS HITS MARTINEZ IN THE KNEECAP WITH THE BAT! AND AGAIN!
TEMB: What insidious tactics! Break his legs, and he can't get up for the
Bruise: Magnus Colby, who is slathered in ***, is still fighting! And now
Martinez is on the receiving end!
TEMB: He's covered in ***... or as Lester would say, he's well-marinated.
Bruise: Colby puts Martinez on the top rope... er... wire! He's climbing up
there! Can you believe... HE HAS HIM UP!
TEMB: SUPERPLEX INTO THE THUMBTACKS! Colby angled the superplex close to
the wire, so Alex hit the tack area and he didn't! But he lands *** the
***y beaten battered badly bruised back!
Bruise: He blocks it out... and gets up! Colby... puts Martinez on the
ropes again! Magnus Colby with... A BACK SUPERPLEX! Another HUGE move,
where the size and height of Alex Martinez are hurting him!
TEMB: Now Colby drags Martinez around in those tacks! Martinez is now
ripped and ***y, just as Magnus Colby is!
Bruise: Over in the corner... oh, look out! RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR!
TEMB: Colby's got him in that normally-illegal hold! But in this match, he
can break his leg right off with it if he likes! I love it! We need to
have every UEW match under these rules!
Bruise: No, thank you. Kamikaze runs for Colby... Extreme tackles him! I
don't know what Kamikaze could have done anyway, it's Mano-A-Mano!
TEMB: The ringpost figure-four is taking it right out of Martinez... that
deranged look is softened... he's coming back to reality...
Bruise: What are you implying, that he was on some sort of illegal
substance?! He looked like it, but considering the testing practices in
UEW, I don't find that very likely!
TEMB: And Martinez manages to sit up... and pull one of Colby's legs off...
breaks the hold!
Bruise: Colby up quickly, and rolls into the ring.
TEMB: Martinez catches him coming... FALLAWAY SL... NO!
Bruise: The leg buckles, and Colby with a reverse neckbreaker! Martinez
crawls over to the wire... Veronica with some encouragement...
TEMB: Martinez gets up... GRABS COLBY! He lifts him up...
Bruise: And again, Magnus Colby reverses! Into a SINGLE ARM DDT! And
Colby's got the bat again!
TEMB: BIG shot to the ribs of Martinez with that bat! Martinez scrambling
for his feet... Colby brings the bat down on his knee again!
Bruise: It's his right knee that's giving him trouble! I think Colby's
going for a figure four again!
TEMB: Martinez with the thumb to the eye! Now he shoots in... OW!!
Bruise: MARTINEZ LUNGED, SCOOPED COLBY, TWISTED, AND HOTSHOTTED HIM ON THE
BARBED WIRE! That could have DECAPITATED him!
TEMB: But it didn't... so he'll have to try harder next time!
Bruise: Both men down and out here... I can't believe, or even begin to
suitably describe, what we are seeing here! Magnus Colby and Alex Martinez
both lay covered in *** on the mat! The tacks are mostly scattered out of
the ring by now, but there's *** EVERYWHERE! The fans are in silent
horror... I don't know what they think! Even Extreme and Kamikaze have
stopped fighting now, and are on opposite sides of the ring, just looking
on! And for the first time I've ever seen... Veronica looks afraid. She
always has utter confidence in her man... but she's gone pale as a sheet out
TEMB: In other words... ***, gore, mayhem, ***, and all the other
things that make this world an evil place! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!
Bruise: The referee is up to twelve...
Bruise: MARTINEZ IS UP!
TEMB: COLBY GETS TO HIS FEET!!! HE'S UP ALSO!
Bruise: Martinez limps over to Colby... Colby takes his bat back again, and
SMACKS MARTINEZ IN THE BACK WITH IT! AND AGAIN!
TEMB: Martinez gets up... staggers forward...
Bruise: COLBY HOOKS HIM IN ANNIHILATOR POSITION! HE RUNS... _WHAT THE HELL?_
(( SMACK... T H U D ! ))
[HUGE CROWD GASP]
Bruise: WHAT ON EARTH?!
Bruise: I can't believe...
TEMB: KYLE KAMIKAZE JUST RAN INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND SMASHED COLBY
WITH THE BELL!
Bruise: RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REF! IN A MANO-A-MANO MATCH!
TEMB: AND MARTINEZ CAPITALIZED WITH A __FIREBOMB__!!
Bruise: That's got to do it... but why? Kamikaze's going to get fired for
that! Alex Extreme comes in off the top rope with a Missile Dropkick to
Kamikaze... and pulls him out of the ring... but Kyle's out of a job!
TEMB: Naaaah. Watch, the NA came up with some new loophole. Kyle's not
Bruise: In the meantime, Martinez is using the corner to support himself
while the referee counts out Colby! The count's up to fif***!
Bruise: HE'S UP! HE'S UP! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! MARTINEZ DOESN'T BELIEVE
IT! But MAGNUS COLBY IS ON HIS FEET!
TEMB: He must have given his soul to the gods of EVIL to gain supreme power!
Just like Jay Steele! MUHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Bruise: You make less sense every week! Alex Martinez with a big boot...
DRAGONSCREW LEGWHIP! Colby may have just torn that knee of Alex apart! And
now... Colby STANDS ON THE BRICK PILE! Martinez gets up... Colby
hooks his head between his legs!
TEMB: PILEDRIVER ON THE BRICKS! THAT WAS DIABOLICAL!
Bruise: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAD THE STRENGTH TO EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT DOING
THAT! Colby gets up slow... crawls to the brickpile! He's been
destroyed... but WILL NOT STOP!
TEMB: Yes... YES!!! Give in to the dark side, and you will know no limits!
Bruise: And now... Colby picks up a brick, from the side of the pile. It's a
different color than the others! Throws it... hits Martinez with it... HEY!
TEMB: The brick breaks, and SALT flies all over Martinez! He's screaming in
agony! And another brick by Colby... on the head of Martinez! Powder
spills out of it!
Bruise: Martinez grabs at his skin... ITCHING POWDER! And with Martinez's
skin so torn and damaged... he's making it worse by the *** itching!
TEMB: Absolute, total, undeniable... EVIL! Martinez is in a WORLD of pain!
Bruise: Colby breaks another discolored brick in his hands... something's in
it... OH LORD!
Bruise: HOT STUFF'S _REALLY_ HOT NOW! Colby says... "That's it!" He drags
Martinez onto the top wire! He's going to Annihilate him off the top!
TEMB: Both men on the top wire... Martinez fires a shot to the face of
Colby! He won't go!
Bruise: These two men are exchanging punches, bleeding like hell! What a
scene! And it's Colby who gets the better of it! Pounding away on the head
of "Hot Stuff"!
TEMB: HOOKS HIM... DDT OFF THE TOP!
( B O O M ! )
Bruise: OH, DEAR LORD, NO!!! STOP THE MATCH!!!
Bruise: GET THE PARAMEDICS!
TEMB: GET THE _MORGUE_!
Bruise: KYLE KAMIKAZE GRABBED THE LEG OF MARTINEZ... GIVING MARTINEZ ENOUGH
TIME TO _FIREBOMB_ COLBY OFF THE TOP ONTO THE BRICKS... BUT COLBY HELD ONTO
HIM, AND MARTINEZ WENT HEADFIRST TO THE CANVAS!
TEMB: Magnus Colby's done! His back arched, and may have snapped right
there! Martinez took a header into the canvas... he may also be finished!
Bruise: We have to see a replay!
[With Colby on the top wire, Martinez seated on the wire, Colby hooks
Martinez's head for a DDT. Kyle Kamikaze, from ringside, grabs the leg of
Martinez... who does not budge. On the second effort of Colby, Martinez
reaches his hand up, and gets Colby by the neck. Leaping off the top,
Martinez still has Colby for the chokeslam, but Colby still has a hold on
Martinez's head. The release comes in mid-air. Magnus Colby's lower back
hits the top of the brickpile, and arches back over the pile horrifically.
Martinez, meanwhile, was thrown off course as the last act of Colby, and he
lands right on his forehead, his neck snapping back on impact.]
TEMB: The referee is up to Ten!
Bruise: Kamikaze's in the ring!
TEMB: He's just checking on his friend!
Bruise: Here come the EMT's down to the ring. They don't want to take any
chances after the fall both these men took!
Bruise: In the meantime, Kamikaze's grabbing Martinez... trying to get him
into a safer position for the stretcher, I suppose. That's VERY dangerous,
moving an injured man!
TEMB: THAT'S NOT WHAT KAMIKAZE'S DOING! LOOK!
Bruise: LIFTING MARTINEZ TO HIS FEET! KAMIKAZE'S LIFTING THE THREE HUNDRED
POUND MARTINEZ UP TO STANDING!
TEMB: ALEX EXTREME ROLLS INTO THE RING....NO!!! NO!!!
Bruise: HE RUNS ACROSS THE RING AND ___SPEARS___ KAMIKAZE, SENDING MARTINEZ
RIGHT BACK DOWN TO THE MAT!!! HE WAS NEVER UP ON HIS OWN POWER!!!
Bruise: Did Extreme touch Martinez on the spear??? If so, he's out of here
TEMB: What Extreme did was the PINNACLE OF EVIL!! To cost another man a
victory like he did to Alex Martinez!! He should have allowed the wrongdoing
of Kyle Kamikaze to continue!!
Bruise: Quiet! Here's the official decision!!
RTRA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... IN TWENTY-TWO MINUTES, THIR*** SECONDS...
THIS MATCH HAS BEEN DECLARED A DRAW!!!
[MASSIVE BOOS! Then... silence. Colby isn't moving.]
Bruise: Here come a FLEET of EMT'S! Veronica with a bottle of smelling
salts... waking up Alex! I'm surprised that he's capable of that!
TEMB: Another announcement...
DUE TO THE STIPULATIONS OF THE MATCH...
KYLE KAMIKAZE... HAS BEEN ___FIRED___ FROM ULTIMATE E-WRESTLING!!!!!
[UNBELIEVABLE POP! It's mixed between cheers and boos, but the reaction is
Bruise: But what about Alex Extreme??
TEMB: He must not have touched Martinez. It doesn't matter anyway, for his
career is already dead.
Bruise: I can't believe Kyle threw his career away...
TEMB: Stop wondering, Bruise, there's a loophole. There's always a
loophole. Kyle's got the mic... Martinez is leaning in the corner, unable
to stand, with EMT's insisting that he lay down... I don't think Martinez
even hears them! Even Veronica, who's still pale, is trying to get him
down! And Colby is being attended to by the meds... he looks bad! Maybe
he'll die! Maybe they'll BOTH die! What a night this would be!
Bruise: You are sick beyond words. Let's hear what Kyle has...
TEMB: A loophole, watch.
[Kyle Kamikaze looks over the capacity crowd, sighs, and speaks.]
Kyle Kamikaze: Most of you are wondering just what the [BLEEP] happened. Did
I forget that this match was a Mano A Mano match? It looks like Steele or
Haynes will be delivering my pink slip soon. Why would I throw my
UEW career down the toilet? I was scheduled to receive a UEW Television
title shot soon. Why?
[Crowd is utterly silent,*** on Kyle's every word.]
Kyle Kamikaze: Truth is, I was planning to leave professional wrestling for
an undetermined amount of time anyway. A week and a half ago, Tiffany
started feeling ill. Every morning she woke up feeling sick. She saw a
doctor, who confirm the obvious, she was pregnant. I cannot allow her to be
at ringside anymore. But, she would still come out if something were to
happen to me. In the past she took many hits and was even hospitalized
several times. I could not live with myself if anything were to happen to
her or our child. So I decided to leave the sport for who knows how long. I
am going to travel and try to live life. I have been too busy to actually
enjoy life. I was too focused on my next match, or who I would try maim
next, I missed certain things in life. So, I am going to live life to its
fullest and enjoy my life as a married man!
TEMB: Oh, no... another victim of love! KYLE, DO...*mmmpphh*
[Bruise puts his hand over TEMB's mouth, and Kyle continues. He looks
simultaneously sad to be leaving, but glad of what he's saying.]
Kyle Kamikaze: Because I won't be needing a UEW contract, I decided to help
my stablemate, Alex Martinez, put an end to Magnus Colby. To help a fellow
New Alliance member, I gave up my UEW contract. Martinez could have
easily destroyed Colby by himself, but I wanted to get a parting shot on one
of the guys who was responsible for my one regret in the UEW, not winning
the UEW Ultimate title. I didn't win every match I had. But
sometimes I left feeling as if I accomplished my goals despite losing. When
my opponent can't leave on his own power and I can, I felt as if I won. I
can leave knowing that I gave it my all, and provided the fans
with a sense of getting their money's worth every time I wrestled. It is
hard for me to give up the sport I love, and the fed I love even more. My
time here was fun, but my personal life has priority. I will be
around from time to time. I have to be there to see The Stallions recover
the UEW Ultimate tag titles, and see Martinez get his first taste of gold
here in the UEW. I will always be New Alliance, even outside of the ring.
Bruise: And you can be there to dig the grave for Colby, if he doesn't live
Kyle Kamikaze: After Lester tastes defeat at the hands of my best man, Rick
Styles once again, I will be off to get married and enjoy my honeymoon. It
is time for me to simply go home.
[Kamikaze gives one final bow to the crowd, and goes to inquire to the
medics of the condition of Alex Martinez, who continues to clutch the
corner... unable to stand, unwilling to fall. Veronica is near panic.
Martinez, with one long, ***y arm, requests the mic from Kyle. Kyle
grants him this, and in a weak, wavering voice, Martinez tries to speak.]
Alex Martinez: I'm not good at this sort of thing.... so I'll make it short.
I just couldn't let this pass without saying a few words to you, Kyle.
First off, and you know as well as I do, this just doesn't cover it... thank
[Martinez nearly swoons. The EMT's try to get him down, but he resists, and
the back off, for fear of causing more injury.]
Alex Martinez: And I don't just mean thank you for tonight... It's never
easy being the new guy, and you knew that Kyle... You always went out of
your way to make sure I was as comfortable as possible. Little stuff, like
telling me where the best restaurants on the East Coast were, helping me out
with directions, stuff that people just take for granted. You made it all
comfortable to me, helped me realize why the NA represents the elite in more
than just wrestling. So to you, I say thank you... ohh...
[Martinez once again almost loses it, but holds on for one last paragraph.]
Alex Martinez: And just know this Kyle, this sacrifice you made, because no
matter how you might try to justify it, it was a sacrifice.... it won't be
in vain. Before year's end, I will have a title here in UEW, maybe the
Television, maybe the American.... and when I strap that gold around my
waist.... I am dedicating it to you Kyle, and that's a promise... urgh...
[Martinez stands to his full height, goes over to try to shake Kyle's
hand... but doesn't even make it one step, before he collapses unconscious.
The paramedics swarm over him. In the meantime, Alex Extreme is helping the
EMT's lock Magnus Colby onto a stretcher.]
Bruise: Fans... it's over. This match will be remembered for all time...
hopefully not for causing a permanent injury. I would, at this time, like
to personally make a statement to the UEW executives... this match was too
dangerous. The livelihood, and even the lives, of our superstars is too
important to risk over the sake of ratings, and...
TEMB: SILENCE, DOLT! What you have just eyewitnessed was evil at its
evilest! Mindless carnage and ***shed! Such a show of senseless
slaughter says this sanguitory spectacle sells seats! I want to make a
statement too... we should do this EVERY MATCH!
[WHAP! Bruise hits TEMB in the head with his program!]
Bruise: For The Evil Masked Broadcaster, this is Joe Bruise... back to you
guys... this has been... a tragedy.
***Magnus Colby and Alex Martinez fought to a double countout in the
Ultimate Death match***
[Colby and Martinez are being rushed out in stretchers as the scene goes
back to Chris Flint and Kevin Diamond. The ring cleanup crew leaps into
action with huge tanks of disinfectant and a spare mat to zip over the top
of this ruined one.]
Chris Flint- What a brutal, BRUTAL match we just saw. We just hope that
Magnus Colby and Alex Martinez are able to fully recover from this very
soon. We witnessed these two men push their bodies to the very limit in this
unbelievable match...and then just a little bit further, all for the sake of
a grudge between them.
Kevin Diamond- But that's what makes this sport GREAT!! The flip side of
that is seeing someone like Kyle Kamikaze leave this all behind. Kyle, we're
gonna miss ya! We hardly knew ye!
Chris Flint- Our first victim of the Mano A Mano rules here in UEW. We will
never be able to see Kyle Kamikaze wrestle in a UEW ring again. And we were
VERY close to seeing Alex Extreme be victim #2!
Kevin Diamond- Extreme's playing with fire tonight...and just like Magnus
Colby, he's going to get BURNED!! Colby may never walk again...and when Alex
Martinez realizes that Alex Extreme cost him the match, Extreme's going to
WISH that he got fired when he had the chance!