Hey Kids! The day had come, it was June 10th, 1999. The very last day of
finals. We left around 7:00 Thursday night, (We being my dad and I) for
Cinncinati. Speaking of my dad, he is the reason I did not go to SRM this
year. He did not seem to see the point in driving two extra hours to Holiday
World. After MUCH argument, and the stress of finals week, I gave up and
settled for what I could get, PKI and SFKK. I wasn't thrilled, but anything's
better than staying in Action Ridge, IL.
Time Warp - - - - It is now about 1:00 am Cinci time and we're about thirty
minutes from our hotel. It had been thundering for about 45 minutes without
any percipitation. And then, it came. Massive rain and hail dropped like ***
from dog who just finished his third can of Hormel Chili. Everyone around us
was pulling over, and sue to the fact there was zero visibility, we did to.
While looking for the emergency caution light switch on the car, he
"accidently" pops the trunk hood. Now, all our stuff was exposed to the storm.
He just looks at me and says, "I can't go out there." What a treat for me. I
open the door and there's so much water and debris gushing down the interstate
you'd think it was Jurrasic Park. The movie, not the ride, spoiled IoA brats.
:-) - - I think...Anyway, I slam the trunk and ten minutes later, we're off
again. The trip so far, had not been a success.
Day One (Or should I say Fun, Ha Ha Ha, Cough, Cough, Cough) and PKI
We arrive to the park a little after 9:30. PKI's policy is to allow people
into the park, but not open any attractions. I decided since Face/Off has such
a low capacity, we had better start of there. Once we make a right and are
standing in front of the Paramount Theater, we are met by two lines. A
security gaurd infroms us one is for Drop Zone, the other for Face/Off. We
went for Face/Off. Not only had the park not opened the rides, they hadn't
opened the queues either, so the lines were all the way out into the midway,
disrupting traffic flow. The security gaurd was trying to keep the lines to
the left, so people could get by, but it wasn't working. Everyone moved into
the shade. (Oh yeah, it was HOT.) The line finally opens. They make the
first person in line walk through every single bit of queue and it takes about
ten minutes before the first train is dispatched. This ride does not make a
very good addition for PKI. It has an absolutley terrible rider capicity. For
those of you who don't know, Face/Off is a Vekoma Invertigo. An Invertigo is
the SLC version of a standard Boomerang coaster, with the exception that riders
face each other. Anyway, we finally board and twenty minutes later (or 4 train
launches later, that's how slow it is) and I end up facing some ten year-old
girls. They really liked to use profanity is would seem. Things got better
once the ride started though.
Anyhoot, the ride itself was nuthin' extraordinary. Although, I will say when
we faced bacwards, it felt much more "out of control" and I also enjoyed
looking at other riders faces while riding. It wasn't bumpy at all, but in no
means was it as sooth as a B&M. I would find out exactly how bad Vekoma can be
at SFKK, but that's later.
We look at the line for Drop Zone, it's completley full. And to makes things
worse, it wasn't revolving as it went up. It was operating like any Giant Drop
would. "Forget that", I say, we'll come back later.
My dad suggested Top Gun because "it's right here." Whatever, I'm hip, we get
in line. 3 hours later, we get to the station. (My, that's a long walk.) The
Arrow suspended seemed MUCH better than I remembered, dispite it's track being
colored an uuu-gly steel. This looks terrible, especially after all the bright
colors of the Action Zone. Another mistake. From the ride, we can see exactly
what kind of progress has been made on Son of Beast. More on that later.
King Cobra was next. I really like this ride. It's trains may look like
pieces of tin, but it's got some thrifty air time and a cool banked
straightaway. "A good ride, better than a bad one!"
We exited the Action Zone and reversed our steps to get to THE BEAST, my number
one wooden coaster. Notice, I haven't been on Raven, thanks to my father. We
waited about ten minutes the first time. I love the smell of this ride. The
combination of the Ohio woods, and the Douglass Fur, and the lift hill grease.
Climbing the lift hill on the Beast is one of my lift's true pleasures. Once
we peak the lift hill, we hear the Beast's growl, via giant speakers...Neato
Technology! The ride, despite the brakes, is still aweseomundo. The helix
finale is one of my favorite all-time coaster elements. Absolutley terrifying
head-choppers combined with speed going in to those tunnels make for a truly
unforgetable finish to an amazing ride. God bless the Beast and all it's
riders. The second time we rode it, we had front row and it was a all-out
treat-festival of fun. Which to my dismay, left us weary and weary for more.
Our third and final ride was at night and was the last coaster we would ride
One thing I must applaude is the giant 20th Anniversary sign in the station. It
contains facts, a timeline, and even mentions the ACErs. Another thing I
enjoyed was a particularly enthusiastic employee who got everyone reved for
their ride. This is why I wanna work in an amu***t park. Anyone wana give
me a lift to SFGAm? I don't mind the back seat! Seriously, hook me up guys!
After Beast, we backtracked to Vortex. We waited no more than ten mintues.
This park was not getting more crowded, which was great news. I really liked
Vortex. Even though it's elements are similar to SFGAm's Shockwave, the ride
itself has a great layout. The first drop is quite intense and the boomerang
was cool. Despite this ride's layout, I can't help but think what Schwarzkopf
could of packed into this terrain. Ooooh...baby!
Racer had no lines the entire day. Backwards is clearly the better side of the
two, and forwards is a hell of a lot rougher! Holy cow! We would ride
backwards three times, forwards once.
Adventure Express was my favorite mine ride. Although, I'm not sure anymore.
Due to the massive land cleard for Son of Beast, several of the trees which
secluded this ride from the rest of the park are now gone, taking the ride's
lush-jungle surroundings with it. Pity, we rode three times all-together.
Again, there was no line. But about the lines. Everytime we went back to the
ride, the TVs in the queue's always had Paul Reiser doing stand-up comedy. The
show looked maybe eight years old. It wasn't a clip either, everytime we came
back, he was talking about something else! I find it pathetic that a
millionaire like Paul Reiser has worked his whole career just to be featured in
the queue line for Adventure Express at Paramount's Kings Island. Please...
This park really empties out in the afternoon. Everyone takes advantage of the
no-admission price of the WaterWorks water park. Everyone else takes advantage
of low-lines in the park. Everytime we went by OL:FoF it was closed, when it
finally opened, we waited about fif*** minutes. I don't like this ride. The
head-knocking thing simply "isn't cool." Although, you really could't tell if
you are upsside-down or not. Five points for disorientation. Still a bad
ride. That's the thing about PKI, none of their rides (with the exception of
Beast) has too much re-rideability. And Face/Off is not different. They all
lose their appeal ather quickly, which sucks for PKI.
After an afternoon of coasters, we were kinda bored...we were also in southern
Ohio...WAFFLE HOUSE!!! WHA-HOO!!! It was halarious to. We exit the park, and
get on the interstate heading north. We get off and try to head into the
parking lot, but my dad "accidently" gets back onto the interstate heading
south. Noooooo! Two exits later, what do we find...but ANOTHER WAFFLE
HOUSE!!! Cha-ching. I had, uh, a waffle. Joe Thank You was our server, and
he kept the chocolate milk coming. Way to be! I luv WaHo. This made the day
great. We headed back to the park...
Time to talk about SOB. The land clearing is MASSIVE. Footings are
everywhere. If it weren't for the loop and trains by Premier, I'd be mildly
interested in this ride. It looks and sounds to me like this ride will not
live up to it's name.
Another thing, the ride ops here do not say, "push down, then pull up." I had
to assist seven people who were "stuck" in their seats. Simple directions
should be instructed before and after the ride. Honestly...
Mmmmmm....smothies are good! I had one from Paradise Island and boy was it
tasty. We checked back at Drop Zone, still down. It had been since eleven.
Oh well, it looked really cool. A few more rides on Top Gun, Vortex, and
Phantom Theater (Yes!) and we would be on our way.
PKI is a cool place, but it's not one of my favorites. They really need some
Tommorow was gunna be a big day with SFKK and driving home. It would be
special indeed...stay tuned for part two!
-Jack Wlezien, Caged Monkey
"Push down, THEN pull up."
Unclear On The Concept!