OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

Post by basskiss » Sun, 22 Jun 2003 01:08:27


Hordes of quivering GOP lawmakers and vast throngs of proudly
homophobic right-wing Christian Americans fell into an adorable tizzy
the other day as the entire really, really big country of Canada
announced it will change its law to allow full-on *** marriage
anywhere in the whole country including Vancouver and Toronto and even
"that weird province with all the gay French people."

Hysteria and open weeping and panicky looks accompanied the
uncontrollable overeating of many stale Ding-Dongs, as millions of
***ly confused Bush-ites and members of self-righteous Bible-icious
anti-everything groups like the American Family Association, along
with entire towns such as Colorado Springs, were absolutely certain
the world was coming to an end, like, immediately. I mean, Canada's
right next door!

Moreover, they fear, Canada's decision means the God-given sanctity of
tepid hetero missionary-position marriage is utterly doomed and our
innocent children are sure to become fans of modern dance and maybe
even old Barbra Streisand movies, and all of this will undoubtedly
result in the introduction of a pair of wacky gay Canadian neighbors
on "Everybody Loves Raymond."

"I don't really know what this means, what it represents, what it
entails, what gay people stand for, where they come from or what they
do or why they do it or how they become that way in the first place or
even if they're allowed to vote or fly in airplanes," announced a very
trembly George W. Bush at a hastily arranged press conference in the
Super Mega Hetero Gun Room of the White House.

"But I do know we won't stand for it, and if these gul-dang furriner
evildoers think they can get away with these kinds of tender unions
and hand holdings and loving smiles and beautiful intimate
commitments, well, they haven't seen America's righteous firepower!"
he shouted, pounding his cute little***on the podium. "We shall
prevail!" Then he fainted.

Karl Rove, Bush's master strategist and known devourer of live puppies
and breeder of the administration's swarms of evil flying monkeys,
briefly waddled into the sunlight to quickly introduce the ***in'
catchphrase "Wussies of Mass Destruction" into the GOP lexical
armament.

Rove also pointed out, just before the tiny demon leeches sucked away
what remained of his shriveled soul, how Canada's wicked WMD decision
probably meant there were similar latent gay terrorist revolutions
ready to burst all over Antarctica and Poland and probably Latvia like
some sticky-smooth lubricating substance, and they must be stopped
before the world is "converted" and we all end up getting regular
pedicures and drinking white wine and belting out the words to
"Cabaret" as we cruise around in our purple Miatas.

"As far as I'm told, Canada actually borders our fine upstanding
nation," Bush managed to continue, after being hoisted upright, as a
paler-than-usual*** Cheney whispered desperately into Bush's ear
while Lynne frantically tried to dissuade their secret ***
daughter from splitting for Saskatchewan with her lover on the next
flight out.

"This means we as a country are actually touching a bunch of gay
married people right this very minute! Look at this map! It's like an
adjacency thing! Like some sort of weird tidal wave of gay Canadian
people in love, just waiting up north to ride big pink buses down here
and open chains of well-appointed little *** chocolate boutiques
and buy up all the Cher Farewell Tour tickets. This will not do!"

 
 
 

OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

Post by Doug Kante » Sun, 22 Jun 2003 01:28:24

nited St?tes Toughens Image With Umlauts
WASHINGTON, DC-In a move designed to make the United States seem more
"bad-assed and scary in a quasi-heavy-metal manner," Congress passed a bill
Monday changing the nation's name to the nited St?tes of ?merica. "Much
like M?tley Cre and Mot?rhead, the nited St?tes is not to be messed with,"
said Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK). An upcoming redesign of the ?merican flag
will feature the new name in burnished silver wrought in a jagged, gothic
font and bolted to a black background. A new national anthem is also in the
works, to be written by composer Glenn Danzig and tentatively titled "Howl
Of The She-Demon."

 
 
 

OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

Post by Gould 07 » Sun, 22 Jun 2003 02:00:23

Quote:
>"This means we as a country are actually touching a bunch of gay
>married people right this very minute! Look at this map! It's like an
>adjacency thing! Like some sort of weird tidal wave of gay Canadian
>people in love, just waiting up north to ride big pink buses down here
>and open chains of well-appointed little *** chocolate boutiques
>and buy up all the Cher Farewell Tour tickets. This will not do!"

What? You never heard of the domino theory? Just let them *** folk get a
strong foothold in Canada, and the next thing, I tell ya, we'll have a bunch of
them
homogenized sexuaults right here in the US! The don't procreate, of course, so
the only means they have to perpetuate their race is to convert "normal" people
to that damnable satanic cult!

Who says that what consenting ***s do behind closed doors is their own
business? I been readin up in an article called "The Republican Future" over on
thet thar New American Century website, and it says that America has just about
a divine mandate to dictate m***values to the rest of the world. It's
endorsed by*** Cheney, our VP! We'd be the biggest bunch of hippo-crickets
you ever heard of if we ran around the world enforcing our version of morality
and didn't start by enforcing it here at home. Tyrrany, like charity, begins at
home.

I'm all for individual liberty. Long as it doesn't harm anybody else, people
can have any kind of sex they like. I mean, that is, as long as it's with
somebody I personally approve of, they're married to each other in a manner
that I find acceptable (preferably in the right brand of church), none of that
evil birth control is employed, and the proper techniques and positions are
utilized, etc, etc, etc, etc,  :-)

 
 
 

OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

Post by John » Sun, 22 Jun 2003 02:28:32


Quote:
>Hordes of quivering GOP lawmakers and vast throngs of proudly
>homophobic right-wing Christian Americans fell into an adorable tizzy
>the other day as the entire really, really big country of Canada
>announced it will change its law to allow full-on *** marriage
>anywhere in the whole country including Vancouver and Toronto and even
>"that weird province with all the gay French people."

>Hysteria and open weeping and panicky looks accompanied the
>uncontrollable overeating of many stale Ding-Dongs, as millions of
>***ly confused Bush-ites and members of self-righteous Bible-icious
>anti-everything groups like the American Family Association, along
>with entire towns such as Colorado Springs, were absolutely certain
>the world was coming to an end, like, immediately. I mean, Canada's
>right next door!

>Moreover, they fear, Canada's decision means the God-given sanctity of
>tepid hetero missionary-position marriage is utterly doomed and our
>innocent children are sure to become fans of modern dance and maybe
>even old Barbra Streisand movies, and all of this will undoubtedly
>result in the introduction of a pair of wacky gay Canadian neighbors
>on "Everybody Loves Raymond."

>"I don't really know what this means, what it represents, what it
>entails, what gay people stand for, where they come from or what they
>do or why they do it or how they become that way in the first place or
>even if they're allowed to vote or fly in airplanes," announced a very
>trembly George W. Bush at a hastily arranged press conference in the
>Super Mega Hetero Gun Room of the White House.

>"But I do know we won't stand for it, and if these gul-dang furriner
>evildoers think they can get away with these kinds of tender unions
>and hand holdings and loving smiles and beautiful intimate
>commitments, well, they haven't seen America's righteous firepower!"
>he shouted, pounding his cute little***on the podium. "We shall
>prevail!" Then he fainted.

>Karl Rove, Bush's master strategist and known devourer of live puppies
>and breeder of the administration's swarms of evil flying monkeys,
>briefly waddled into the sunlight to quickly introduce the ***in'
>catchphrase "Wussies of Mass Destruction" into the GOP lexical
>armament.

>Rove also pointed out, just before the tiny demon leeches sucked away
>what remained of his shriveled soul, how Canada's wicked WMD decision
>probably meant there were similar latent gay terrorist revolutions
>ready to burst all over Antarctica and Poland and probably Latvia like
>some sticky-smooth lubricating substance, and they must be stopped
>before the world is "converted" and we all end up getting regular
>pedicures and drinking white wine and belting out the words to
>"Cabaret" as we cruise around in our purple Miatas.

>"As far as I'm told, Canada actually borders our fine upstanding
>nation," Bush managed to continue, after being hoisted upright, as a
>paler-than-usual*** Cheney whispered desperately into Bush's ear
>while Lynne frantically tried to dissuade their secret ***
>daughter from splitting for Saskatchewan with her lover on the next
>flight out.

>"This means we as a country are actually touching a bunch of gay
>married people right this very minute! Look at this map! It's like an
>adjacency thing! Like some sort of weird tidal wave of gay Canadian
>people in love, just waiting up north to ride big pink buses down here
>and open chains of well-appointed little *** chocolate boutiques
>and buy up all the Cher Farewell Tour tickets. This will not do!"

I wish you hadn't done that. Now 'jps' will have even more 'truths' to spew upon
us.
John
On the 'Poco Loco' out of Deale, MD
 
 
 

OT Bush goes after Canada's WMD's

Post by John » Sun, 22 Jun 2003 04:06:13


Quote:

>I'm all for individual liberty. Long as it doesn't harm anybody else, people
>can have any kind of sex they like. I mean, that is, as long as it's with
>somebody I personally approve of, they're married to each other in a manner
>that I find acceptable (preferably in the right brand of church), none of that
>evil birth control is employed, and the proper techniques and positions are
>utilized, etc, etc, etc, etc,  :-)

Yeah, but what about them Allegheny Woodrats? Would that be legal?
John
On the 'Poco Loco' out of Deale, MD