Sport Today

by **Vibrating Bum-Faced Goa** » Tue, 03 Sep 1996 04:00:00

The Vibrating Goat Awards for Outstanding European Super Leagueness
===================================================================

Best Club of the Year:

Saints for me. Bradford came a close second through bias and a 123%
increase in crowd attendances over the previous season but, Saints won
the title for the first time in donkeys years and stopped a
magnificent winning run from Wigan. Well done to them. In addition,
they could yet do a clean sweep but even if they don't they'll be
clear of Bradford for me.

Worst Club of the Year:

Leeds, by default. Disappointing season for Leeds obviously, a bit of
leadership on (and off) the field and the excellent kids they have
will see them through next year. If not, they'll be cannon fodder for
a lot of sides. They also got into bed with Leeds RFUC and appear to
be shagging the future of Test cricket in Yorkshire up the backside
for the sake of a quick buck. Alf Davies looks about 13 stone to me so
I reckon a drop of about 8 ft with a rope around his neck should be
enough for an instant death without pulling his head off. Do you think
that sounds too bitter? Nah, who gives a toss anyway!

Most Entertaining Club of the Year:

Bradford Bulls. Not for all the fireworks and prancing about in funny
little skirts, but because my top three nominations for the game of
the year all included Bradford in some form or other. I'll come to
that later though.

Least Entertaining Club of the Year:

Workington Town. Sorry Town, it's been sad watching you flop about all
season. Paris but some bollocks into their campaign long before they
got any coaching assitance from the RFL. It's not as if John Kear is a
good coach anyway. As Geff has said previously, if he's so sodding
good why will only the RFL give him a job?

Back to Town. I'm afraid it's been embarassing watching you, and your
attempts to sign that little fat bloke with no neck who used to play
Union for England were the last straw. I know that was last season but
it was a big last straw.

Outstanding Individual of the Year:

Brian Smith, for turning Bradford upside down and shaking every ounce
of ***out. Within a year he's turned a bottom of the table side into
real challengers and, for my money, has said a lot of things that
needed saying.

On a related note to that, the runner up was Alex Murphy. I was going
to plump for Mouth for a bit through fear of appearing biased but
having thought about what Smithy has done this year I just couldn't
ignore it. Why Mouth? Because he led a team of former Saints players
onto the field to celebrate their championship success after just
watching his side miss out on a top four spot and a crack at the
Premiership. Big sporting gesture - close, but no cigar.

Pillock of the Year:

Alex Murphy, see posts passim. To me the man has been on a self
serving, self promoting media campaign since he got back into
professional Rugby League and has damaged the image of the game in the
process. It must have worked though, he did come close to the
Outstanding Individual of the year award.

Glamour Tiara:

One for every referee! Those dark blue tops with the green vertical
stripes are quite natty and I've been debating all year whether to
*** the referee and nick it off him.

Miserable Get of the Year:

Tony Currie. As evidence I cite the following quote which followed
Tulsen Tollet's torn hamstring in the first home game of the season
against PSG: "His tearing a hamstring I can take, it's the going out
of play in the process I won't tolerate. If he'd collapsed where he
was it was a try on the next tackle".

That comment beat off the valiant attempts of John Lancaster in his
quest for gold. John has put in some stirling work on this front
despite his team being destined to win the inaugural Super League
trophy but fell down at the last hurdle with his insistence that this
was a 'double' winning campaign for St.Helens before Saints had
actually won the title. Fabulous effort there John, better luck next
time mate. Slip me a tenner and I'll engrave the trophy for you for
next season.

Top Five Games of the Season:

1) Wigan v Bradford Premiership Semi-Final
2) Saints v Bradford Challenge Cup Final
3) Bradford v Wigan SL game
4) St.Helens v London SL game
5) Warrington v London SL game

Worst Refereeing Decision of the Year:

The penalising of Tony Smith in the Wigan v Castleford game when he
was adjudged to be lying on but was injured. Not the *worst* I've
seen, it may even have been correct to the letter of the law, but the
successful conversion of the penalty could have had a deciding
influence on the whole season.

Best Dressed Fan:

Me. I've been winning this category for the four seasons I've been
doing the Vibrating Goat Awards now. I'd just like to thank myself for
choosing the clothes, my students for proving to me that ironing
clothes is an extravegance of the landed bourgeoisie and finally to
Millets for their excellent range of woolly walking socks.

Cheers,
Chris.

BTW, ask Ryan O'Neill if you don't know what 'bourgeoisie' means, I'm
sure he'll only be too happy to set you right.

by **Dave Wal** » Sat, 07 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Quote:

>The Vibrating Goat Awards for Outstanding European Super Leagueness
>===================================================================
>Best Club of the Year:
>Saints for me. Bradford came a close second through bias and a 123%

<snip>
I'd jointly award it to Saints and Bradford although if I had to come
down off the fence, it would go to Saints (and that coming from a
Wigan fan !). Bradford have definitely been the most improved
team but Saints added that extra steel which ensured that they
didn't crumble at the end.

Quote:

>Worst Club of the Year:

or 'Most disappointing Club of the Year'

Quote:

>Leeds, by default.

<snip>
Agreed. It seems that in losing Schofield they lost a lot more
than just one player. All that talent, all those resources, the Leeds
fans must be well brassed off. Will Deano be able to pull it
around next year?

Quote:

>Most Entertaining Club of the Year:
>Bradford Bulls.

<snip>
Hard to argue against although Wigan and Saints have also
produced some fantastic attacking play !. I think that the
harder pitches have made a great difference. The game is
quicker now than its ever been.

Quote:

>Least Entertaining Club of the Year:
>Workington Town.

<snip>
Well it's entertaining watching your team hammer them, but not
much of contest. Also, Terry Matterson's touch-line conversion
at Central Park, to make it 18 all, was the Least Entertaining
Conversion of the year.

Quote:

>Outstanding Individual of the Year:

I'd call him 'Coach of the Year'

Quote:

>Brian Smith, for turning Bradford upside down and shaking every ounce
>of ***out.

<snip>
Absolutely. He'd get my vote over McRae for the total transformation
that's gone on at Bradford whereas McRae just gave Saints that extra
little bit that they'd been lacking.

Quote:

>Pillock of the Year:
>Alex Murphy,

<snip>
No comment.

Quote:

>Glamour Tiara:

<snip>
Henry Paul for wearing white boots !.

Quote:

>Miserable Get of the Year:
>Tony Currie.

<snip>
Jack Robinson. Now he's even having a go at the clubs
supporters. Get real Jack !, and when are you going to the
shareholders meeting organised or are you trying to get your own
way without letting the fans know what's going on ? (Ground
move).

Quote:

>Top Five Games of the Season:
>1) Wigan v Bradford Premiership Semi-Final
>2) Saints v Bradford Challenge Cup Final
>3) Bradford v Wigan SL game
>4) St.Helens v London SL game
>5) Warrington v London SL game

... top 3
1) Saints v Wigan PREMIERSHIP Final
2) Wigan v Saints SL game
3) Bradford v Saints SL game
...... i.e. all the games Saints lost !!

Quote:

>Worst Refereeing Decision of the Year:

Everyone they copped out on by giving it to the TV ref to
decide. I'm against the TV ref on the basis that it's only present for
the televised games. If it was available for every game then I think
it's a great idea.

Quote:

>The penalising of Tony Smith in the Wigan v Castleford game when he
>was adjudged to be lying on but was injured.

Nope !. It was actually given for not releasing the ball. Smith was
caught in possession on the 6th tackle and wouldn't let go, as
simple as that. If he had, I doubt that we would have scored.
Poor discipline deserves to be penalised and that's what happened.
As an aside, John Joyner was coming down from his seat in the
Whitbread stand at the time of the incident and was not best pleased.
He got into an argument with a bloke in front of me where lots of
pleasantries were exchanged ..... NOT !. Oh, how we laughed.

Quote:

>Best Dressed Fan:

hmmmmmmmm,
<snip>

how about :

Player of the Year

Jason Robinson. The guy has been phenomenal and has won a
few matches for us virtually on his own.

Try of the Year

Robbie Paul. Hat-trick try at Wembley in the Cup-Final. Vision,
pace, skill and what a try to achieve something that hadn't
been done before.

Should I prepare myself for the backlash ....... ?

by **Pete** » Sat, 07 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Hi Dave

Still busy I see. I overheard Ray on the phone asking to speak to you
the other day. He obviously didn't realise that you were far too busy
surfing the Web, reading the newsgroups and playing games :-)

Quote:

> I'd jointly award it to Saints and Bradford although if I had to come
> down off the fence, Why change the habit of a lifetime Dave?

> >Worst Club of the Year:
> >Leeds, by default.
> fans must be well brassed off. Will Deano be able to pull it
> around next year?More to the point, will Deano be around next year?
> >Outstanding Individual of the Year:
> I'd call him 'Coach of the Year'
> >Brian Smith, for turning Bradford upside down and shaking every ounce
> >of ***out.
> <snip>
> Absolutely. He'd get my vote over McRae for the total transformation
> that's gone on at Bradford whereas McRae just gave Saints that extra
> little bit that they'd been lacking.It'll be interesting to see what happens to Bradford next season. Don't

forget that when he left Hull at the end of 1990 he had taken them from
the bottom of Division 1 to the top place. He left mid-season and by the
end of the season they slipped back to third. The best we managed after
that was mid-table - and now look!

Quote:

> >Worst Refereeing Decision of the Year:Anyone who was at the Salford v Hull game will know exactly which

decision was the worst refereeing decision of the year.
That was never a try.
Oh, sorry. I think we've done this before :-)

Quote:

> Everyone they copped out on by giving it to the TV ref to
> decide. I'm against the TV ref on the basis that it's only present for
> the televised games. If it was available for every game then I think
> it's a great idea.I agree with you there Dave (shit! that's a first). I think that the

replays are a good idea but the final league table probably wouldn't look
the way it does if had been used at every game. Who knows, Wigan might
even have been lucky enough to win it. NOT!

Quote:

> Poor discipline deserves to be penalised and that's what happened.
> As an aside, John Joyner was coming down from his seat in the
> Whitbread stand at the time of the incident and was not best pleased.
> He got into an argument with a bloke in front of me where lots of
> pleasantries were exchanged ..... NOT !. Oh, how we laughed.Good job it was no one connected with Hull FC. If it had this would have

been the start of a new thread in which everyone rolled out their best
'Everyone from Hull is a complete ***er' anecdote.
BTW, is the rumour true that Saddam Hussein was this week spotted wearing
a black & white irregular hooped shirt?

Pete K.

by **Lloyd Barkha** » Sat, 07 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Quote:

>From: Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats
>To: rec.sport.rugby.league; aus.sport.rugby-league
>Subject: The 1996 Vibrating Goat Awards
>Date: 03 September 1996 08:01
>The Vibrating Goat Awards for Outstanding European Super Leagueness
>===================================================================

<snip>

Quote:

>Worst Club of the Year:
>Leeds, by default. Disappointing season for Leeds obviously, a bit of
>leadership on (and off) the field and the excellent kids they have
>will see them through next year. If not, they'll be cannon fodder for
>a lot of sides.

I'm sure that another year on that these kids will start to play as a team. What we do
need is an on the field organiser. Garry Schofield is sorely missed, even if he was
slowing up a bit.

On the coaching side a lot needs to be put into the defense. Especially stopping the
run from dummy-half.

Quote:

> They also got into bed with Leeds RFUC and appear to
>be shagging the future of Test cricket in Yorkshire up the backside
>for the sake of a quick buck.

What quick buck is this?

Quote:

> Alf Davies looks about 13 stone to me so I reckon a drop of about 8 ft with a rope
> around his neck should be enough for an instant death without pulling his head off.
> Do you think that sounds too bitter? Nah, who gives a toss anyway!

No!!!! Is 8 feet enough. I'd drop him and the rest of the un-directors from the top of the
floodlights. And why shouldn't his head come off?

<snip>

Lloyd

by **Paul McNall** » Mon, 09 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Quote:

>> >Worst Refereeing Decision of the Year:Anyone who was at the Salford v Hull
>game will know exactly which
>decision was the worst refereeing decision of the year.
>That was never a try.
>Oh, sorry. I think we've done this before :-)

That old chestnut still sticking in the throat eh? :)

Paul
ww
|\---/ >

\____/ --------------------------------------------

by **Vibrating Bum-Faced Goa** » Mon, 16 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Quote:

>> They also got into bed with Leeds RFUC and appear to
>>be shagging the future of Test cricket in Yorkshire up the backside
>>for the sake of a quick buck.
>What quick buck is this?

Well, look at it this way. As proprieters Leeds RLFC have a duty to
maintain and keep the cricket facilities in a condition worthy of
Yorkshire CCC and Test cricket in Yorkshire. Do you think that
Headingley is a suitable place for Test cricket? I don't, and neither
do Yorkshire CCC. That's why they're likely to be moving to Wakefield
soon.

What Leeds don't seem to have realised is that their biggest earner is
about to go west (or due south) for the sole reason that they wanted
to spend huge amounts of money on contract payments to their RL
players instead of maintaining their cricket ground. Now they're in
financial trouble, and their biggest earner hasn't even left yet.

Quote:

>> Alf Davies looks about 13 stone to me so I reckon a drop of about 8 ft with a rope
>> around his neck should be enough for an instant death without pulling his head off.
>> Do you think that sounds too bitter? Nah, who gives a toss anyway!
> No!!!! Is 8 feet enough. I'd drop him and the rest of the un-directors from the top of the

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

For an instant death yes. I used to have a of weight v drop height for
an instant death which I got from alt.suicide.holiday.

Quote:

> floodlights. And why shouldn't his head come off?

It would be messy.

by **Lloyd Barkha** » Tue, 17 Sep 1996 04:00:00

Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats

Quote:

>>> They also got into bed with Leeds RFUC and appear to
>>>be shagging the future of Test cricket in Yorkshire up the backside
>>>for the sake of a quick buck.
>>What quick buck is this?
>Well, look at it this way. As proprieters Leeds RLFC have a duty to
>maintain and keep the cricket facilities in a condition worthy of
>Yorkshire CCC and Test cricket in Yorkshire. Do you think that
>Headingley is a suitable place for Test cricket? I don't, and neither
>do Yorkshire CCC. That's why they're likely to be moving to Wakefield
>soon.
>What Leeds don't seem to have realised is that their biggest earner is
>about to go west (or due south) for the sole reason that they wanted
>to spend huge amounts of money on contract payments to their RL
>players instead of maintaining their cricket ground. Now they're in
>financial trouble, and their biggest earner hasn't even left yet.

I don't know where you get all this drivel from but I have it on good authority
(from within the coaching staff) that the overdraft at Leeds has been caused by
money spent on the facilities at Headingley, mainly on the cricket side.

Quote:

>>> Alf Davies looks about 13 stone to me so I reckon a drop of about 8 ft with a rope
>>> around his neck should be enough for an instant death without pulling his head off.
>>> Do you think that sounds too bitter? Nah, who gives a toss anyway!
>> No!!!! Is 8 feet enough. I'd drop him and the rest of the un-directors from the top of
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>For an instant death yes. I used to have a of weight v drop height for
>an instant death which I got from alt.suicide.holiday.

Fair dos.:-) I defer to greater knowledge.

Quote:

>>the floodlights. And why shouldn't his head come off?
>It would be messy.

It couldn't happen to a nicer guy!!

Lloyd