The Vibrating Goat Awards for Outstanding European Super Leagueness
Best Club of the Year:
Saints for me. Bradford came a close second through bias and a 123%
increase in crowd attendances over the previous season but, Saints won
the title for the first time in donkeys years and stopped a
magnificent winning run from Wigan. Well done to them. In addition,
they could yet do a clean sweep but even if they don't they'll be
clear of Bradford for me.
Worst Club of the Year:
Leeds, by default. Disappointing season for Leeds obviously, a bit of
leadership on (and off) the field and the excellent kids they have
will see them through next year. If not, they'll be cannon fodder for
a lot of sides. They also got into bed with Leeds RFUC and appear to
be shagging the future of Test cricket in Yorkshire up the backside
for the sake of a quick buck. Alf Davies looks about 13 stone to me so
I reckon a drop of about 8 ft with a rope around his neck should be
enough for an instant death without pulling his head off. Do you think
that sounds too bitter? Nah, who gives a toss anyway!
Most Entertaining Club of the Year:
Bradford Bulls. Not for all the fireworks and prancing about in funny
little skirts, but because my top three nominations for the game of
the year all included Bradford in some form or other. I'll come to
that later though.
Least Entertaining Club of the Year:
Workington Town. Sorry Town, it's been sad watching you flop about all
season. Paris but some bollocks into their campaign long before they
got any coaching assitance from the RFL. It's not as if John Kear is a
good coach anyway. As Geff has said previously, if he's so sodding
good why will only the RFL give him a job?
Back to Town. I'm afraid it's been embarassing watching you, and your
attempts to sign that little fat bloke with no neck who used to play
Union for England were the last straw. I know that was last season but
it was a big last straw.
Outstanding Individual of the Year:
Brian Smith, for turning Bradford upside down and shaking every ounce
of ***out. Within a year he's turned a bottom of the table side into
real challengers and, for my money, has said a lot of things that
On a related note to that, the runner up was Alex Murphy. I was going
to plump for Mouth for a bit through fear of appearing biased but
having thought about what Smithy has done this year I just couldn't
ignore it. Why Mouth? Because he led a team of former Saints players
onto the field to celebrate their championship success after just
watching his side miss out on a top four spot and a crack at the
Premiership. Big sporting gesture - close, but no cigar.
Pillock of the Year:
Alex Murphy, see posts passim. To me the man has been on a self
serving, self promoting media campaign since he got back into
professional Rugby League and has damaged the image of the game in the
process. It must have worked though, he did come close to the
Outstanding Individual of the year award.
One for every referee! Those dark blue tops with the green vertical
stripes are quite natty and I've been debating all year whether to
*** the referee and nick it off him.
Miserable Get of the Year:
Tony Currie. As evidence I cite the following quote which followed
Tulsen Tollet's torn hamstring in the first home game of the season
against PSG: "His tearing a hamstring I can take, it's the going out
of play in the process I won't tolerate. If he'd collapsed where he
was it was a try on the next tackle".
That comment beat off the valiant attempts of John Lancaster in his
quest for gold. John has put in some stirling work on this front
despite his team being destined to win the inaugural Super League
trophy but fell down at the last hurdle with his insistence that this
was a 'double' winning campaign for St.Helens before Saints had
actually won the title. Fabulous effort there John, better luck next
time mate. Slip me a tenner and I'll engrave the trophy for you for
Top Five Games of the Season:
1) Wigan v Bradford Premiership Semi-Final
2) Saints v Bradford Challenge Cup Final
3) Bradford v Wigan SL game
4) St.Helens v London SL game
5) Warrington v London SL game
Worst Refereeing Decision of the Year:
The penalising of Tony Smith in the Wigan v Castleford game when he
was adjudged to be lying on but was injured. Not the *worst* I've
seen, it may even have been correct to the letter of the law, but the
successful conversion of the penalty could have had a deciding
influence on the whole season.
Best Dressed Fan:
Me. I've been winning this category for the four seasons I've been
doing the Vibrating Goat Awards now. I'd just like to thank myself for
choosing the clothes, my students for proving to me that ironing
clothes is an extravegance of the landed bourgeoisie and finally to
Millets for their excellent range of woolly walking socks.
BTW, ask Ryan O'Neill if you don't know what 'bourgeoisie' means, I'm
sure he'll only be too happy to set you right.