Though I am in no way a thug, I love Rugby League, and have been a keen spectator for several years
now. I have never actually played the game, but I was hit by a bus once and so I know what I'm
I am not married and never manage to get girlfriends as I am a bit soft and the bus made quite an
impression on me. Scrummages and up-n-unders are merely beautiful memories for me. Gives me
something to think about at the end of a day when I'm twiddling my digits.
Following my brief disagreement with the bus, I lost quite a few friends and only seemed to have
hung on to the ones who could, themselves, feel a great degree of empathy towards my "modified"
appearance - mainly the players down at the RL club, and the ladies I meet when I patronise my
local beauty salon (Under the NHS).
In fact I am especially popular with the players at the club; they keep a large picture of me on
the wall in their changing room, in order to help keep the insects away while they drop their
shorts following a hard game.
I am a beggar now and have very little money and haven't got two bottles of Bristol Cream to rub
together. Yes Jane, it has to be said, I do spent a little of my "earnings" on this warming drink
so that I don't freeze to death in winter. Besides, isn't it a bit imm***to drink water these
days when there are readily available alternatives! I NEVER overdo this source of heating though;
as a true Rugby man, give me a couple of glasses and I make a spectacle of myself!