We, the students, faculty, staff, and alumni of Texas A&M would like to
express our deep regrets about the comments in our media guide concerning
Texas Tech University.
We deeply regret that Texas Tech fans are classless clowns. We are very sorry
that Texas Tech fans are compelled to vandalize their own stadium after every
victory, even when their team is favored to win. We lament last year's post-
game incident, in which a mob of Texas Tech Red "Rioters", no longer
satisfied with mere destruction of property, incited a brawl by jamming a
torn-down goalpost into a section full of Texas A&M supporters. And it
grieves us that Texas Tech's coaches and administrators subsequently saw fit
to condone and even praise these classless and clownlike acts.
It is most regrettable that, due to financial mismanagement and spiralling
costs related to goalpost replacement and other stadium damage repairs, the
Texas Tech football program is over-budget by $400,000 and can no longer
afford to send mail to its prospective recruits. Please accept the enclosed
book of stamps as a token of our remorse and to help defray the department's
postage arrears of some $5,000.
We wish to extend our heartfelt sympathy to recent Texas Tech graduates who,
in the midst of economic recession, face severely diminished prospects of
employment due to the recent hiring freeze at Domino's Pizza.
And finally, we wish to express our profound condolences to Bobby Knight and
Texas Tech, each of which must suffer the ignominy of being associated with
In these perilous times, it is important not to forget those who must not
only live under the continual threat of terrorism, but must do so in the
barren wastelands of Lubbock, Texas. This is most lamentable, indeed.
We promise to do our utmost to redress these heinous injustices, in the form
of an ass-kicking of epic proportions, to be delivered to you at Kyle Field
on October 5, 2002. We hope that this simple, sincere gesture will act as an
enduring symbol of our genuine feelings for you.
P.S.: We wish to apologize to the clown community. We retract the statements
in our media guide comparing them to Texas Tech fans.