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ATLANTA (Rueters) -- Coaches of teams
who've made the Final Four of the NCCA
basketball tournament are sitting on egg
shells today wondering what the height of
the baskets will be.
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There is a good chance the NCAA,
adhering to the NBA's wishes, will
order 12-foot-high rims be used
instead of the conventional 10-footers.
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"I'm a nervous wreck," said a sports
writer from Sports Illustrated. "In fact,
I'm so nervous I think I'm coming down
with a good case of diarrhea."
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The NBA just recently unanimously
approved raising its baskets two feet
because owners claim there are just too
many 7-foot-plus players whose easy
scoring has long made a mockery of
the game.
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In anticipation of a NCCA directive
to immediately raise the baskets by
two feet, coaches of the Final Four
held practice yesterday using 12-foot
high rims as well as 10.
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"We don't wa nt to get caught with
our jocks down," the coach told Sean
"Ins" Hannity on Fox News.
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ATLANTA (Rueters) -- What took
place in the Georgia Dome today was
a sight to behold.
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During their practice sessions, all four
teams competing in the NCAA finals
held practice at both ends of the cour
with a TWO-FOOT differencein the
height of the rim.
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The basket on one end was what we'd
call conventional -- 10 feet high -- but
at the other end 12. (Boy,they were
missing like crazy at the 12-foot end.)
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Apparently, coaches of Louisivlle,
Wichita State, Michigan and Syracuse
-- the Final Four -- aren't sure what
height the baskets will be and wanted
their players to be ready in case the
12-footers are used.
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"It's rumored the NCAA, which has
always kissed the ass of the NBA in
basketball matters, could declare a
change in the height of the hoops at
any moment," one coach told Sean
"Ins" Hannity of Fox News.
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Just the other day, NBA owners
-- meeting in Hilo, Hawaii -- voted
unanimously to raise their baskets two
feet because there are too many 7-foot-
plus string beans in the game which,
as one owner remarked, "has made Dr.
James Naismith's version of the game
a travesty."
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There seems to be no question that,
whatever height is used for the semi-
finals and finals of March Madness,
the basket elevation will be a sure
thing next season because, folks,
scoring points has gotten way too
easy.
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Or, as Ins Hannity so eloquently put
it, "What a revolting development
this is."
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HILO, Hawaii (Rueters) -- NBA team
owners, displaying their *** for the
first time in decades, have unanimously
voted to raise the basketball rims to 12
feet -- from 10 -- beginning immediately.
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"Hell, some of the players are so tall
that they have to shoot DOWN to make
a bucket," one of owners -- from Chicago --
told Sean "Ins" Hannity of Fox News,
explaining the league's decision.
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"I'm sure Dr. (James) Naismith, who
invented basketball In Springfield, Mass.,
back in 1891, never realized that evolution
would***up things so badly, causing
lots of skinny little kids to grow to 7-foot
and, in some cases, even higher," he added.
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"By growing so tall, they've made a
freakin' mockery of the game."
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< DR.JAMES NAISMITH
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Hannity, obviously, added his two cents'
worth, which certainly isn't much.
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"That's why, when Jim came up with the
idea of basketball, he wanted the peach
baskets placed at a height of 10 feet,"
"Ins" told his feeble-minded audience.
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An NBA spokesman said the new
rule will go into effect this week and noted
that, since the NCAA usually follows what
the NBA does, there's a strong likelihood
that the teams that have made it to the
Final Four of March Madness may be
required to shoot at 12-foot-high baskets
next weekend.
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EVOLUTION ALSO BLAMED FOR GLOBAL WARMING
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http://SportToday.org/
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TIME TO END THE MONKEY BUSINESS
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http://SportToday.org/
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BET YOU'VE BEEN DYING TO READ THIS
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http://SportToday.org/
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"We can forgive a child who is afraid
of the dark. The real tragedy of life
is when men are afraid of the light."
< -- Plato
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"You're not only fighting the man
in the ring, Ed. You're also fighting
the referee and the three judges."
< -- Clayton Lennon
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Recent FBI File Photo of Ed Conrad
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CAUTION: DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE
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